PUNCH,
OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

Vol. 153.

AUGUST 15th, 1917.

CHARIVARIA.

"In the heroic days of 1914," says Count REVENTLOW, "God gave us our daily bread and our daily victory." We feel sure that, as regards the provision of victories, some recognition ought to be made of the able assistance of the WOLFF Bureau.

We read with some surprise that, in the motor collision in which he participated recently, Mr. WINSTON CHURCHILL'S car was run into by another coming in the opposite direction. This is not the Antwerp spirit that the Munitions Department is waiting for.

A movement is on foot for the presentation of a suitable testimonial to the people of Dundee for returning Mr. CHURCHILL to Parliament, after being distinctly requested not to do so by a certain morning paper.

"What shall we do with the Allotment Harvest?" asks The Evening News. It seems only too probable that, unless a national effort is made to preserve them, some of the world's noblest vegetables will have to be eaten.

"Just as a soldier gives his valour or a captain of industry his talent," said Lord CURZON, speaking on the sale of titles, "so a wealthy man gives his wealth, which is very often his only asset, for the benefit of his country." Nothing like a delicate compliment or two to encourage him in the good work.

A lively correspondence has been filling the columns of a contemporary under the heading, "The Facts about Bacon." The discussion seems to have turned upon the famous line, "There's something rotten from the state of Denmark."

Sixpenny paper notes are now being issued in various parts of Germany. If you can't find anything to buy with them you can use them to patch the new paper trousers.

Judging by his recent speech, Herr VON BETHMANN-HOLLWEG has lost heart and found a liver.

At a recent inquest it was stated that a doctor had prepared a death certificate while deceased was still alive. The subsequent correct behaviour of the patient is regarded as a distinct feather in the medical profession's cap.

A nephew of Field-Marshal VON HINDENBUBG has just joined the United States Navy, but the rumour that upon hearing this HINDENBURG tried to look severe is of course an impossible story.

The sum of sixty pounds has been taken from the Ransom Lane Post Office, Hull, and burglars are reminded that withdrawals of money from the Post Office cannot in future be allowed unless application is first made on the prescribed form.

Baron SONNINO, the Italian Minister for Foreign Affairs, was accorded a truly British welcome on his arrival in this country. It rained all day.

It appears from a weekly paper that the KAISER is fond of nice quiet amusement. If this is so we cannot understand his refusal to have a Reichstag run on lines similar to the British Parliament.

Sir EDWARD CARSON'S physical recreations, says The Daily Mail, are officially stated to be riding, golf and cycling. Unofficially, we believe, he has occasionally done some drilling.

At a recent pacifist meeting in Bristol Councillor THOMPSON declared that he was with Mr. LLOYD GEORGE in the South African War, but was against him in the present campaign. The authorities are doing their best to keep the news from the PREMIER.

A man at Tottenham has been fined five pounds for feeding a horse with bread. We understand that action was taken on the initiative of the R.S.P.C.A.

The German Government is doing everything possible to curry favour with its people. It has now commandeered all stocks of soap.

A Bermondsey house of amusement has organised a competition, in which the competitors have to eat a pudding with their hands tied. This of course is a great improvement on the modern and more difficult game of trying to eat a lump of sugar in a restaurant with full use of the hands, and even legs.

An official notice in the British Museum Library states that readers will incur little risk during air raids, "except from a bomb that bursts in the room." It is the ability to think out things like this which raises the official mind so high above the ordinary.

The German Government, says the Gazette de Lausanne, is establishing a regular business base in Berne. We have no illusions as to the base business that will be conducted from it.

"When a German travels round the world," said Dr. MICHAELIS in a lecture delivered twenty-five years ago, "he cannot help being terribly envious of England." Funnily enough he is as envious as ever, even though the opportunities for travel are no longer available.

When the Folkestone raid syren goes off, a man told the Dover Council, it blows your hat off. On the other hand if it doesn't go off you may not have anywhere to wear a hat, so what are you to do?

Willesden allotment-holders are complaining of a shortage of male blooms on their vegetable-marrow plants. This is the first intimation we have had of the calling-up of this class.

"NAH, ALL THEM AS IS WILLIN' TO COME ALONG O' ME, PLEASE SIGNIFY THE SAME IN THE USUAL MANNER. CARRIED UNANIMOUSLY."

THRILLS FROM THE TERMINI.

Mr. Punch, following the example of his daily contemporaries, despatched a representative to some of the great London termini to note the August exodus from town. The following thrilling report is to hand:—

At Waterton and Paddingloo great crowds continued to board the limited number of West-bound and South-west-bound trains. On being asked why they were leaving town, those of the travellers who answered at all said it was the regular time for their annual holiday and they wanted a change. They were mostly a jolly hearty lot, happily confident that at some time in the course of the next forty-eight hours they would be deposited in some part of the West or South-west of England. Those fortunate persons who had secured seats were sitting down, those who were unable to get seats were standing, and, in spite of the congested state of the carriages and corridors, almost all were smiling, the exceptions being those highly-strung and excitable passengers who had come to blows over corner seats and windows up or down. Many of the travellers carried baskets of food. Your representative, anxious to report on the quality and quantity of the provisions carried, ventured to peep into one of the baskets, and was in consequence involved in a rather unpleasant affair, being actually accused of having abstracted a sandwich!

The engine-driver, questioned as to whether he liked having passengers on the engine and whether he considered it safe for them, was understood to say that so long as they didn't get in his way it didn't matter to him, and as to its being safe for them, he jolly well didn't care whether it was safe for them or not. The guard, detained by the sleeve by your representative, who inquired how he felt about being almost crowded out of his brake by passengers, drew away his sleeve with some violence and his answer was quite unworthy to be reported. An elderly but strongly-built porter, with the luggage of fourteen families on his truck,