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قراءة كتاب Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 101, August 22, 1891
تنويه: تعرض هنا نبذة من اول ١٠ صفحات فقط من الكتاب الالكتروني، لقراءة الكتاب كاملا اضغط على الزر “اشتر الآن"
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 101, August 22, 1891
"Papa," as models to be followed more or less closely when addressing his mother on matters of a homely and domestic character.
The Boy-King's Guide to the proper and decent method of presiding at a Cabinet Council, showing how the same may be conducted conjointly with the introduction of Ninepins, or some other equally interesting, intellectual, and manly game.
List of the best Sweet-stuff Shops.
Ditto, ditto of what's going on, and most worth looking up in places we visit.
Hand-Book to Leger de Main, with special reference to Practical Joking at State Functions, and other High Jinks!
Shilling Hand-Book to Home Made Fireworks, with Permanent Order signed by War Minister for supply of necessary materials.
Hyjinks and Hygiene.
Hygiene and Demography! Never before
With such wonderful names has a Conference met,
With statistics by thousands and papers galore
As to what Demos wants, as to what he's to get.
It's not always perfectly clear what they mean.
Yet, perhaps an outsider is right when he thinks
Though no doubt they would die for beloved Hygiene,
As a matter of fact they indulge in High Jinks.
NEW WORK BY SIR AUGUSTUS DRURIOLANUS—to be included in the "Opera Omnia," by the same Author writing under a nom de plume, entitled, "Legs Taglionis; or, Little Steps for Babes in the Ballet. By a Pa' de Quatre." Also "Classes and Lasses," same series.
A PIOUS FRAUD!
"HULLO, MONTY, WHAT HAVE YOU GOT IN YOUR BUTTON-HOLE? YOU DON'T MEAN TO SAY YOU'VE JOINED THE BLUE RIBBON ARMY?"—"YES; FOR THIS NIGHT ONLY. GOING TO DINE WITH JAKES. DON'T WANT TO HURT POOR OLD JAKES'S FEELINGS—DON'T WANT TO BE POISONED BY HIS BEASTLY WINE. SEE?"
NEPTUNE'S "AT HOME;" OR, NEIGHBOURS UNITED.
The French are all coming, for so they declare,
Of their fleet and their tars all the papers advise us;
They're to come o'er the sea and to Portsmouth repair,
Their squadrons at Spithead will please, not surprise us.
Their fleet is to come for a right friendly spree;
To promise them "skylarks" is hardly presumption.
They're welcome to NEPTUNE's old "Halls by the Sea."
Of powder and grog there'll be mighty consumption,
In toasts and salutes, for they're friends and invited;
JOHN and JOHNNY clasp paws,
And drink deep to the Cause
Of NEPTUNE's two guests and brave Neighbours United!
The scribes and the specials report wondrous things,
Of the grand preparations, the routs and the rackets.
Gone the old days of huge wooden walls and white wings,
We now meet without mutual dusting of jackets.
Well so much the better! Our seas let them try,
Their squadrons are welcome to float 'em and swim 'em.
Like good Cap'n Cuttle we'll smile and "stand by,"
Friendly bumpers we'll empty as fast as they brim 'em
To welcome his guests Father NEPTUNE's delighted,
He'll clasp both their paws,
And drink deep to the Cause
Of Sailors as shipmates and Neighbours United!
Old NEP is "At Home" to the Sailors of France.
Old foes turn new friends as their reason grows riper;
"All hands for Skylarking!" A measure we'll dance,
With friendship for fiddler and pleasure for piper.
'Tis a good many years since they sought our white shore;
Once more at hands'-grip we are glad to have got 'em.
As to Jingos or Chauvinists,—out on the bores!
Such Jonahs should promptly be plumped to the bottom;
Poor swabs! For this party they are not invited;
Shall they come athwart hawse
As we drink to the Cause
Of Shipmates for ever and Neighbours United?
Yes, we know that humanity fondly may scheme
For Peace, of all ills the supposed panacea:
We know that Utopia's only a dream,
Unbroken good fellowship but an idea.
Old NEP knows his great Naval Show is now on,
And ARMSTRONG and WHITWORTH's huge works he's aware on;
He sees what our shipwrights and gunsmiths have done
To send foes o'er the Styx in the barque of old Charon.
At sight of War's murderous monsters half frighted,
E'en valour may pause,
And drink deep to the Cause,
Of Good-will among Nations and Neighbours United!
But, gushing apart, 'tis a sight for sad eyes
To see ancient rivals on joint messmate duty.
A French ship in our waters and not as a prize
Might once have perturbed British Valour and Beauty.
But now Father NEPTUNE, "At Home," calmly grips
His trident, and smiles with most friendly benignity.
We welcome French Sailors, and shout for French ships,
Without an abatement of patriot dignity.
To see any friend of JOHN BULL NEP's delighted.
He holds out his paws,
And will drink to the Cause
Of Peace on the Ocean and Neighbours United!
Then shout, Britons, shout, while the neighbouring crews
Hob-nob, as the symbol of neighbouring nations;
Whilst NEPTUNE at Home welcomes brave Brother Blues,
And serves out the stingo to each in fair rations.
Your spirits, ye sturdy old seadogs, might smile
On a friendship which to your true hearts is no treason.
The Sea-God makes free of his favourite Isle
The French lads he once would have shied, and with reason.
Now to greet brave GERVAIS and his tars he's delighted.
Midst general applause
Let us drink to the Cause.
Hooray for NEP's Visitors, Neighbours United!
NEPTUNE'S "AT HOME;" OR, NEIGHBOURS UNITED.
JOHN BULL (loq.). "ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MY MESSMATE, MR. NEPTUNE."
NEPTUNE. "ALWAYS GLAD TO WELCOME ANY FRIEND OF YOURS, JOHN!"
TO THE SHELVED SEX.
(By One who keeps his Ears open.)
["Believing firmly in the absolute justice of woman's claim to the 'Parliamentary' franchise, I shall at all times support that claim."—Mr. Logan, the new M.P. for the Harborough Division.]
O woman, in our hours of ease.
The mockery of false M.P.'s!
When an Election comes in sight,
E'en Ministers admit thy "right."
Believe them not; they do not dote
On the Political Petticoat.
'Tis all a politic pretence.
Some of them are upon the fence;
Some of them have "political"