The Project Gutenberg eBook, Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 152, January 31, 1917, by Various, Edited by Owen Seaman

Title: Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 152, January 31, 1917

Author: Various

Release Date: January 5, 2005 [eBook #14516]

Language: English

Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1

***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI, VOL. 152, JANUARY 31, 1917***

E-text prepared by Jonathan Ingram, Keith Edkins,
and the Project Gutenberg Online Distributed Proofreading Team

PUNCH,
OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

Vol. 152.

January 31st, 1917.

CHARIVARIA.

The birth-rate in Berlin, it appears, is considerably lower this year than last. We can quite understand this reluctance to being born a German just now.

The official German films of the Battle of the Somme prove beyond doubt that if it had not been for the Allies the Germans would have won this battle.

The German military authorities have declined to introduce bathless days. Ablution, it appears, is one of the personal habits that the Teuton does not pursue to a vicious excess.

Some congestion of traffic is being experienced by the Midland Railway owing to the publicity given by the FOOD-CONTROLLER to the Company's one-and-ninepenny luncheon basket. Many people are finding it more economical to purchase a return ticket to the Midlands and lunch in the train than to go, as formerly, to one of the regular tea-shops.

An egg four-and-a-half inches long and eight inches round has been laid by a hen at Southover, Lewes. It is understood that a proposal by the FOOD-CONTROLLER that this standard should be adopted as the compulsory minimum for the duration of the War is meeting with some opposition from Mr. PROTHERO.

"We must all be prepared to make sacrifices," says the Berliner Tageblatt. We understand that, acting upon this advice, several high command officers have volunteered to sacrifice the CROWN PRINCE.

The Dublin Corporation has decided to pay full salaries from the date of their leaving work to those employees who until recently have been held under arrest for participation in the Sinn Fein rebellion. The idea of making them a grant for Kit and Field allowances has not yet come under consideration.

German travellers, says a news item, are forbidden to take flowers with them into Austria. It is intended that the funeral shall be a quiet one.

Mr. DANIELS describes the shells made by American factories for the U.S. Navy as "colossally inferior" to those submitted by a British firm. The explanation is of course that the former are primarily designed to enforce universal peace.

A Leicestershire farmer who applied for alien enemies to assist in farm-work was supplied with three Hungarians—a jeweller, a hairdresser and a tailor. His complaint is, we understand, that while he wanted his land to be well-dressed he didn't want it overdone.

NATURE'S TACTLESS MIMICRY.

CURIOUS ATTITUDE ASSUMED BY TREES IN A DISTRICT OCCUPIED BY THE GERMANS.

A widely-known nocturnal pleasure resort makes the announcement that it is still open for business, the action of the Court having only deprived it of the right to sell intoxicating liquors. We fear it will be a case of Hamlet without the familiar spirit.

"We are not war-weary but war-hardened," said Mr. WINSTON CHURCHILL in a recent address. Germany, we are happy to state, is war-weary and will soon be Maximilian-Hardened.

The question as to whether war serves any useful purpose has been settled once for all. "The War has provided many incidents for this revue," says a stage paper of a new production.

A pig-sty has been erected in his rose-garden by a doctor in East Essex. The general idea is not new, though it is more usual to plant a rose-garden round your pig-sty, as a corrective.

It is pointed out by an evening paper that the official prohibition of "fishing, washing and bathing" in the St. James's Park pond is superfluous, as the pond was dried up two years ago. In view of the exceptional severity of the weather the authorities will shortly replace the offending notice by another merely prohibiting skating.

Lord ROBERT CECIL has expressed his willingness to consider proposals for the reform of the British Consular service. The suggestion, however, that not more than seventy-five per cent. of our Consular representatives should be natives of Germany and the countries of her Allies seems a little too drastic.

"Without proficiency with the gloves a man cannot make a really ideal soldier," said Lieut.-Col. SINCLAIR THOMSON to the Inns of Court O.T.C. On the other hand we still have a number of distinguished soldiers who before the War attached paramount importance to their cuffs, collars and ties.

The use of luminous paint is being widely advocated with the view of mitigating the dangers arising from the darkened streets. It is pointed out that the use of luminous language has already proved of extreme value in critical situations.

"You must shorten sail," said the Chairman of the Henley Tribunal to an employer who was said to have an indoor staff of thirteen servants. As a beginning he proposes to take a reef in the butler.

It appears that a reduction in the sale of chocolate will adversely affect the cinema. "All my young lady patrons," says a manager, "require chocolate in the cinema." It is feared that they will have to go back to the old-fashioned plan of chewing the corner of the programme.

At Hull, the other day, a tram-car dashed into a grocer's shop. No blame attaches, we understand, to the driver, who sounded his gong three times.

TO THE GERMAN MILITARY PICTURE DEPARTMENT.

[The enemy, in his turn, is exhibiting a film of the fighting on the Somme. At the close a statement is thrown upon the screen to the effect that the Germans have "reached the appointed goal."]