PUNCH,
OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

Vol. 152.

April 18th, 1917.

CHARIVARIA

.

The growing disposition to declare war against her is causing genuine concern in Germany, where it is feared that there may not be enough interned German vessels to go round.

An Austrian General is reported to have been overwhelmed by an avalanche of snow, and at Easter-time a number of patriotic English people were offering, in view of the usefulness of the stuff for military purposes, to forgo their own ration.

The question of Parliamentary reform has been under discussion in the House of Commons. That the Legislature should attempt to deal with reforms of any kind which have not been previously demanded by the Daily Press is regarded in certain quarters as a most dangerous precedent.

Immediately north of the Siegfried line, the experts explain, is a new German position, which they have christened the Wotan line. It will not be long before we hear of fresh German activities in the Götterdämmerung line.

Thousands of men at the docks are boycotting public-houses as a protest against increased prices. A deputation of licensed victuallers will shortly wait upon the Government to inform them that their action in restricting the brewers' output is likely to have the deplorable effect of making drinking unpopular.

There has been some slight activity on the Dublin front, but beyond a few skirmishes there is little to report.

One of the most recent additions to the Entente Alliance proves that the art of war as practised by Germany is such a horrible travesty that even the Cubists condemn it.

Goat-skin coats are mentioned by a lady writer as quite a novelty. She is in error. Goats have worn them for years.

A wedding at Huntingdon, the other day, was interrupted by the barking of dog within the vicinity of the church. It is a peculiar thing, but dogs have never looked upon marriage as the serious thing it really is.

We are sorry to contradict a contemporary, but the assertion that men are losing their chivalry cannot be lightly passed over. Only the other night in the tube a man was distinctly heard to say to a lady who was standing, "Pray accept my seat, Madam. I am getting out here."

Small Invalid (to visitor). "I'VE HAD A LOT OF DISEASES IN MY TIME — MEASLES — WHOOPING-COUGH — INFLUENZA — TONSILITIS — BUT (modestly) I HAVEN'T HAD DROPSY YET."

Mr. DUKE has just stated that there is work for all in Ireland. This is not the way to make the Government popular in the distressed isle.

The Vienna Zeit says the worst enemy of the people is their appetite. Several local humourists have been severely dealt with for pointing out that eating is the best way of getting rid of this pest.

A Stepney market porter attempted last week to evade military service by hiding in a cupboard, but the police captured him despite the fact that he attempted to throw them off the scent by making a noise like a piece of cheese—a very old device.

On one day of Eastertide there was an inch of snow in Liverpool, followed by hailstones, lightning, thunder and a gale of wind. Summer has certainly arrived very early this year.

The Berliner Tageblatt makes much of the fact that a recent submarine expedition was carried out by means of German Naval officers on board a trawler "disguised as ordinary men." A clever piece of masquerading.

"Members of the Honor Oak Golf Club," says a contemporary, "are arranging to play their rounds to the music of grunting pigs, cackling fowls and bleating lambs." With a little practice these intelligent animals should soon be able to convey their appreciation of the more elementary strokes.

WOLF'S comet is approaching the earth at the rate of 1,250,000 miles a day, and our special constables have been warned.

England, said Lord LEICESTER recently, is neglecting her trees during the War. But with our Great Tree (Sir BEERBOHM) it is the other way about.

The overseer of one of the workhouses in the vicinity of London is to receive an additional four pounds a year in place of beer. It is hoped that this sum will buy him a nice glass of stout for his next Christmas dinner.

In justice to the thieves who removed 1½ cwt. of sugar from a grocer's shop in Kentish Town it should be stated that had it not been for an untimely alarm it was their intention to have taken a sufficient quantity of other articles to justify their appropriation of that amount of sugar.

"Only the older generation recalls the glass of sherry and slice of Madeira that used to be the invariable refreshment offered in the farmhouses of the Southwest."—Daily Telegraph.

Our own recollection is that it was sometimes a glass of Madeira and a hunk of sherry.

A SCHOOL FOR STATESMEN.

[The Hamburger Fremdenblatt, in an article on our Ambassador at Petrograd, ascribes his success as a diplomat to his passion for golf—"if one can speak of passion in connection with this cold game of meadow billiards." "The conditions," it goes on to say, "in which this rather tiresome game is played do really produce the qualities necessary for any statesmanlike or diplomatic work.... Silent, tough, resigned, unbroken ... the good golfer walks round his field, keeps his eye on the ball and steers for his goal.... Sir George Buchanan walked round the whole golf field of Europe for years until at last he was able in Petrograd to hurl the ball into the goal."]