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قراءة كتاب Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 103, November 26, 1892
تنويه: تعرض هنا نبذة من اول ١٠ صفحات فقط من الكتاب الالكتروني، لقراءة الكتاب كاملا اضغط على الزر “اشتر الآن"
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 103, November 26, 1892
upon me that for your benefit I must treat of the Smoking-room in its connection with shooting-parties. Thus, perhaps, you may learn not so much what you ought to say, as what you ought not to say, and your discretion shall be the admiration of a whole country-side. "The Smoking-room: with which is incorporated 'Anecdotes.'" What a rollicking, cheerful, after-dinner sound there is about it. Shabrack might say it was like the title of a cheap weekly, which as a matter of fact, it does resemble. But what of that? Next week we will begin upon it in good earnest.
On the Boxing Kangaroo.
From Smith and Mitchell to a Kangaroo!!!
The "noble art" is going up! Whilloo!
Stay, though! Since pugilist-man seems coward-clown,
Perhaps 'tis the Marsupial coming down!
FELINE AMENITIES.
"I've brought you some Lace for your Stall at the Bazaar, Lizzie. I'm afraid it's not quite Old enough to be really valuable. I had it when I was a little Girl."
"Oh, that's Old enough for Anything, dearest! How lovely! Thanks so very much!"
"LE GRAND FRANÇAIS."
["With all his faults, M. de Lesseps is perhaps the most remarkable—we may even say the most illustrious—of living Frenchmen."—The Times.]
Jacques Bonhomme loquitur:—
Someone should suffer—yes, of course—
For the depletion of my stocking;
But Le Grand Français? Bah! Remorse
Moves me to tears. It seems too shocking.
Get back my money? Pas de chance!
And then he is the pride of France!
I raged, I know, four years ago,
Against those Panama projectors.
The law seemed slack, inquiry slow;
How I denounced them, the Directors,
Including him—in some vague fashion;
But then—Bonhomme was in a passion!
And now to see the gendarme's hand—
Half-shrinkingly—upon his shoulder,
Our Grand Français—so old, so grand!
Ma foi, it palsies the beholder.
And will it lessen my large loss
To fix a stain on the Grand Cross?
Too sanguine? Too seductive? Yes!
But was it not such hopeful charming
That led him to his old success?
The thought is softening, and disarming;
O'er Suez and the Red Sea glance,
And see what he has done for France!
Peste on this Panama affair!
Egyptian sands sucked not our savings
As did those swamps. Still I can't bear
To see him suffer. 'Midst my cravings
For la revanche, I'd fain not touch
Our Greatest Frenchman—'tis too much!
SHORT AND SWEET.
["The Young Ladies of Nottingham have formed a Short-skirt League."—Daily Graphic.]
Ye pretty girls of England,
So famous for your looks,
Whose sense has braved a thousand fads
Of foolish fashion-books,
Your glorious standard launch again
To match another foe,
And refrain
From the train
While the stormy tempests blow,
While the sodden streets are thick with mud,
And the stormy tempests blow!
See how the girls of Nottingham
Inaugurate a League
For skirts five inches from the ground;
They'll walk without fatigue,
No longer plagued with trains to lift
Above the slush or snow;
They'll not sweep
Mud that's deep
While the stormy tempests blow;
Long dresses do the Vestry's work,
While stormy tempests blow.
O pretty girls of Nottingham,
If you could save us men
From our frightful clothing,
How we should love you then!
We'd shorten turned-up trouser,
And widen pointed toe,
Leave off that
Vile silk hat,
When the stormy tempests blow—
Wretched hat that stands not wind or rain
When the stormy tempests blow.
We're fools. Yet, girls of England,
We might inquire of you,
Why wear those capes and sleeves that seem
Quite wide enough for two?
And why revive the chignons—
Huge lumps pinned on? You know
You would cry
Should they fly
Where the stormy tempests blow;
For they catch the wind just like balloons,
Where the stormy tempests blow.
Faults o' Both Sides.—Ardent Radicals grumbled at the Government for not holding an Autumn Session. That was a fault of omission. Now touchy Tories are angry with it for showing too strong a tendency to what Mr. Gladstone once sarcastically called "a policy of examination and inquiry"—into the case of Evicted Tenants, Poor-Law Relief, &c. This is a fault of (Royal) Commission. Luckless Government! The verdict upon it seems to be that it
"Does nothing in particular,
And does it very—ill."
Notice.—The Twin Fountains of Trafalgar Square regret to inform the British Public that, although they have performed gratuitously and continuously for a number of years, they are compelled to retire from business, as they cannot compete with the State-aided spouting which takes place in their Square.
A Great "Treat."—Public-house Politics at Election time.
"LE GRAND FRANÇAIS!"
Jacques Bonhomme (regarding M. de Lesseps, apart). "BAH! I HAVE LOST MY MONEY! (Pause.) ALL THE SAME, I CANNOT DESIRE THAT HE, SO OLD AND SO DISTINGUISHED, SHOULD SUFFER!!"
GALLANTRY REWARDED.
Lady (having had a fall at a Brook, and come out the wrong side,—to Stranger, who has caught her Horse). "Oh, I'm so much obliged to