you will iest with me, know my aspect,
And fashion your demeanor to my lookes,
Or I will beat this method in your sconce

S.Dro. Sconce call you it? so you would leaue battering, I had rather haue it a head, and you vse these blows long, I must get a sconce for my head, and Insconce it to, or else I shall seek my wit in my shoulders, but I pray sir, why am I beaten? Ant. Dost thou not know? S.Dro. Nothing sir, but that I am beaten

   Ant. Shall I tell you why?
  S.Dro. I sir, and wherefore; for they say, euery why
hath a wherefore

   Ant. Why first for flowting me, and then wherefore,
for vrging it the second time to me

S.Dro. Was there euer anie man thus beaten out of season, when in the why and the wherefore, is neither rime nor reason. Well sir, I thanke you

   Ant. Thanke me sir, for what?
  S.Dro. Marry sir, for this something that you gaue me
for nothing

   Ant. Ile make you amends next, to giue you nothing
for something. But say sir, is it dinner time?
  S.Dro. No sir, I thinke the meat wants that I haue

   Ant. In good time sir: what's that?
  S.Dro. Basting

Ant. Well sir, then 'twill be drie

S.Dro. If it be sir, I pray you eat none of it

   Ant. Your reason?
  S.Dro. Lest it make you chollericke, and purchase me
another drie basting

   Ant. Well sir, learne to iest in good time, there's a
time for all things

   S.Dro. I durst haue denied that before you were so
chollericke

   Anti. By what rule sir?
  S.Dro. Marry sir, by a rule as plaine as the plaine bald
pate of Father time himselfe

Ant. Let's heare it

   S.Dro. There's no time for a man to recouer his haire
that growes bald by nature

   Ant. May he not doe it by fine and recouerie?
  S.Dro. Yes, to pay a fine for a perewig, and recouer
the lost haire of another man

Ant. Why, is Time such a niggard of haire, being (as it is) so plentifull an excrement? S.Dro. Because it is a blessing that hee bestowes on beasts, and what he hath scanted them in haire, hee hath giuen them in wit

   Ant. Why, but theres manie a man hath more haire
then wit

   S.Dro. Not a man of those but he hath the wit to lose
his haire

   Ant. Why thou didst conclude hairy men plain dealers
without wit

   S.Dro. The plainer dealer, the sooner lost; yet he looseth
it in a kinde of iollitie

An. For what reason

S.Dro. For two, and sound ones to

An. Nay not sound I pray you

S.Dro. Sure ones then

An. Nay, not sure in a thing falsing

S.Dro. Certaine ones then

An. Name them

S.Dro. The one to saue the money that he spends in trying: the other, that at dinner they should not drop in his porrage

   An. You would all this time haue prou'd, there is no
time for all things

   S.Dro. Marry and did sir: namely, in no time to recouer
haire lost by Nature

   An. But your reason was not substantiall, why there
is no time to recouer

   S.Dro. Thus I mend it: Time himselfe is bald, and
therefore to the worlds end, will haue bald followers

   An. I knew 'twould be a bald conclusion: but soft,
who wafts vs yonder.

Enter Adriana and Luciana.

  Adri. I, I, Antipholus, looke strange and frowne,
Some other Mistresse hath thy sweet aspects:
I am not Adriana, nor thy wife.
The time was once, when thou vn-vrg'd wouldst vow,
That neuer words were musicke to thine eare,
That neuer obiect pleasing in thine eye,
That neuer touch well welcome to thy hand,
That neuer meat sweet-sauour'd in thy taste,
Vnlesse I spake, or look'd, or touch'd, or caru'd to thee.
How comes it now, my Husband, oh how comes it,
That thou art then estranged from thy selfe?
Thy selfe I call it, being strange to me:
That vndiuidable Incorporate
Am better then thy deere selfes better part.
Ah doe not teare away thy selfe from me;
For know my loue: as easie maist thou fall
A drop of water in the breaking gulfe,
And take vnmingled thence that drop againe
Without addition or diminishing,
As take from me thy selfe, and not me too.
How deerely would it touch thee to the quicke,
Shouldst thou but heare I were licencious?
And that this body consecrate to thee,
By Ruffian Lust should be contaminate?
Wouldst thou not spit at me, and spurne at me,
And hurle the name of husband in my face,
And teare the stain'd skin of my Harlot brow,
And from my false hand cut the wedding ring,
And breake it with a deepe-diuorcing vow?
I know thou canst, and therefore see thou doe it.
I am possest with an adulterate blot,
My bloud is mingled with the crime of lust:
For if we two be one, and thou play false,
I doe digest the poison of thy flesh,
Being strumpeted by thy contagion:
Keepe then faire league and truce with thy true bed,
I liue distain'd, thou vndishonoured

   Antip. Plead you to me faire dame? I know you not:
In Ephesus I am but two houres old,
As strange vnto your towne, as to your talke,
Who euery word by all my wit being scan'd,
Wants wit in all, one word to vnderstand

   Luci. Fie brother, how the world is chang'd with you:
When were you wont to vse my sister thus?
She sent for you by Dromio home to dinner

   Ant. By Dromio?
  Drom. By me

   Adr. By thee, and this thou didst returne from him.
That he did buffet thee, and in his blowes,
Denied my house for his, me for his wife

   Ant. Did you conuerse sir with this gentlewoman:
What is the course and drift of your compact?
  S.Dro. I sir? I neuer saw her till this time

   Ant. Villaine thou liest, for euen her verie words,
Didst thou deliuer to me on the Mart

S.Dro. I neuer spake with her in all my life

   Ant. How can she thus then call vs by our names?
Vnlesse it be by inspiration

   Adri. How ill agrees it with your grauitie,
To counterfeit thus grosely with your slaue,
Abetting him to thwart me in my moode;
Be it my wrong, you are from me exempt,
But wrong not that wrong with a more contempt.
Come I will fasten on this sleeue of thine:
Thou art an Elme my husband, I a Vine:
Whose weaknesse married to thy stranger state,
Makes me with thy strength to communicate:
If ought possesse thee from me, it is drosse,
Vsurping Iuie, Brier, or idle Mosse,
Who all for want of pruning, with intrusion,
Infect thy sap, and liue on thy confusion

   Ant. To mee shee speakes, shee moues mee for her
theame;
What, was I married to her in my dreame?
Or sleepe I now, and thinke I heare all this?
What error driues our eies and eares amisse?
Vntill I know this sure vncertaintie,
Ile entertaine the free'd