fallacie

Luc. Dromio, goe bid the seruants spred for dinner

   S.Dro. Oh for my beads, I crosse me for a sinner.
This is the Fairie land, oh spight of spights,
We talke with Goblins, Owles and Sprights;
If we obay them not, this will insue:
They'll sucke our breath, or pinch vs blacke and blew

   Luc. Why prat'st thou to thy selfe, and answer'st not?
Dromio, thou Dromio, thou snaile, thou slug, thou sot

   S.Dro. I am transformed Master, am I not?
  Ant. I thinke thou art in minde, and so am I

S.Dro. Nay Master, both in minde, and in my shape

Ant. Thou hast thine owne forme

S.Dro. No, I am an Ape

Luc. If thou art chang'd to ought, 'tis to an Asse

   S.Dro. 'Tis true she rides me, and I long for grasse.
'Tis so, I am an Asse, else it could neuer be,
But I should know her as well as she knowes me

   Adr. Come, come, no longer will I be a foole,
To put the finger in the eie and weepe;
Whil'st man and Master laughes my woes to scorne:
Come sir to dinner, Dromio keepe the gate:
Husband Ile dine aboue with you to day,
And shriue you of a thousand idle prankes:
Sirra, if any aske you for your Master,
Say he dines forth, and let no creature enter:
Come sister, Dromio play the Porter well

   Ant. Am I in earth, in heauen, or in hell?
Sleeping or waking, mad or well aduisde:
Knowne vnto these, and to my selfe disguisde:
Ile say as they say, and perseuer so:
And in this mist at all aduentures go

   S.Dro. Master, shall I be Porter at the gate?
  Adr. I, and let none enter, least I breake your pate

Luc. Come, come, Antipholus, we dine to late.

Actus Tertius. Scena Prima.

Enter Antipholus of Ephesus, his man Dromio, Angelo the
Goldsmith, and
Balthaser the Merchant.

  E.Anti. Good signior Angelo you must excuse vs all,
My wife is shrewish when I keepe not howres;
Say that I lingerd with you at your shop
To see the making of her Carkanet,
And that to morrow you will bring it home.
But here's a villaine that would face me downe
He met me on the Mart, and that I beat him,
And charg'd him with a thousand markes in gold,
And that I did denie my wife and house;
Thou drunkard thou, what didst thou meane by this?
  E.Dro. Say what you wil sir, but I know what I know,
That you beat me at the Mart I haue your hand to show;
If y skin were parchment, & y blows you gaue were ink,
Your owne hand-writing would tell you what I thinke

E.Ant. I thinke thou art an asse

   E.Dro. Marry so it doth appeare
By the wrongs I suffer, and the blowes I beare,
I should kicke being kickt, and being at that passe,
You would keepe from my heeles, and beware of an asse

   E.An. Y'are sad signior Balthazar, pray God our cheer
May answer my good will, and your good welcom here

Bal. I hold your dainties cheap sir, & your welcom deer

   E.An. Oh signior Balthazar, either at flesh or fish,
A table full of welcome, makes scarce one dainty dish

Bal. Good meat sir is co[m]mon that euery churle affords

   Anti. And welcome more common, for thats nothing
but words

   Bal. Small cheere and great welcome, makes a merrie
feast

   Anti. I, to a niggardly Host, and more sparing guest:
But though my cates be meane, take them in good part,
Better cheere may you haue, but not with better hart.
But soft, my doore is lockt; goe bid them let vs in

E.Dro. Maud, Briget, Marian, Cisley, Gillian, Ginn

   S.Dro. Mome, Malthorse, Capon, Coxcombe, Idiot,
Patch,
Either get thee from the dore, or sit downe at the hatch:
Dost thou coniure for wenches, that y calst for such store,
When one is one too many, goe get thee from the dore

   E.Dro. What patch is made our Porter? my Master
stayes in the street

   S.Dro. Let him walke from whence he came, lest hee
catch cold on's feet

E.Ant. Who talks within there? hoa, open the dore

   S.Dro. Right sir, Ile tell you when, and you'll tell
me wherefore

   Ant. Wherefore? for my dinner: I haue not din'd to
day

   S.Dro. Nor to day here you must not come againe
when you may

   Anti. What art thou that keep'st mee out from the
howse I owe?
  S.Dro. The Porter for this time Sir, and my name is
Dromio

   E.Dro. O villaine, thou hast stolne both mine office
and my name,
The one nere got me credit, the other mickle blame:
If thou hadst beene Dromio to day in my place,
Thou wouldst haue chang'd thy face for a name, or thy
name for an asse.

Enter Luce.

  Luce. What a coile is there Dromio? who are those
at the gate?
  E.Dro. Let my Master in Luce

   Luce. Faith no, hee comes too late, and so tell your
Master

   E.Dro. O Lord I must laugh, haue at you with a Prouerbe,
Shall I set in my staffe

   Luce. Haue at you with another, that's when? can
you tell?
  S.Dro. If thy name be called Luce, Luce thou hast answer'd
him well

   Anti. Doe you heare you minion, you'll let vs in I
hope?
  Luce. I thought to haue askt you

S.Dro. And you said no

   E.Dro. So come helpe, well strooke, there was blow
for blow

Anti. Thou baggage let me in

   Luce. Can you tell for whose sake?
  E.Drom. Master, knocke the doore hard

Luce. Let him knocke till it ake

   Anti. You'll crie for this minion, if I beat the doore
downe

   Luce. What needs all that, and a paire of stocks in the
towne?

Enter Adriana.

  Adr. Who is that at the doore y keeps all this noise?
  S.Dro. By my troth your towne is troubled with vnruly
boies

   Anti. Are you there Wife? you might haue come
before

Adri. Your wife sir knaue? go get you from the dore

   E.Dro. If you went in paine Master, this knaue wold
goe sore

   Angelo. Heere is neither cheere sir, nor welcome, we
would faine haue either

   Baltz. In debating which was best, wee shall part
with neither

   E.Dro. They stand at the doore, Master, bid them
welcome hither

   Anti. There is something in the winde, that we cannot
get in

   E.Dro. You would say so Master, if your garments
were thin.
Your cake here is warme within: you stand here in the
cold.
It would make a man mad as a Bucke to be so bought
and sold

Ant. Go fetch me something, Ile break ope the gate