قراءة كتاب Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 98, February 8, 1890
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Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 98, February 8, 1890
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"O Shade, the difference is but small, one dreads.
Betwixt logomachists at loggerheads,
Whether their theme be bonnets
Or British interests. Zealot ardour burns
Scarce fiercer o'er Electoral Returns
Than over Shakspeare's Sonnets.
"At Marabout the Mugwump sniffs and sneers;
Gregarious 'votes of thanks' and sheepish 'cheers'
Stir him to satire scornful.
But when sleek Culture apes, irate and loud,
The follies of the Caucus and the Crowd,
The spectacle is mournful."
"True!" smiled the Shade. "Yon supercilious sage,
With patent prejudice and petty rage,
Penning a tart jobation
On practised Statesmen, must as much amuse
As Statesmen-sciolists venting vapid views
On rocks and revelation."
THE SOUTH-EASTERN ALPHABET.
A was the Anger evinced far and wide;
B was the Boat-train delayed by the tide;
C was the Chairman who found nothing wrong;
D was the Driver who sang the same song;
E was the Engine that stuck on the way;
F stood for Folkestone, reached late every day;
G was the Grumble to which this gave rise;
H was the Hubbub Directors despise;
I was the Ink over vain letters used;
J were the Junctions which some one abused;
K was the Kick "Protest" got for its crimes;
L were the Letters it wrote to the Times;
M was the Meeting that probed the affair;
N was the Nothing that came of the scare;
O was the Overdue train on its way;
P was the Patience that bore the delay;
Q was the Question which struck everyone;
R the Reply which could satisfy none;
S was the Station where passengers wait;
T was the Time that they're bound to be late;
U was the Up-train an hour overdue;
V was the Vagueness its movements pursue;
W stood for time's general Waste;
X for Ex-press that could never make haste;
Y for the Wherefore and Why of this wrong;
And Z for the Zanies who stand it so long!
Startling for Gourmets.—"Bisques disallowed." But it only refers to a new rule of the Lawn Tennis Association; so "Bisque d'écrevisses" will still be preserved to us among the embarras de richesse—(i.e. the trouble caused subsequently by the richness,—free trans.)—of a thoroughgoing French dinner.
THE NEW TUNE.
Heroes bold owe much to bold songs.
What's that? "Cannot sing the old songs"?
Pooh! 'Tis a Britannic ditty.
Truth, though, in it,—more's the pity!
"En revenant de la Revue."
People tire of that—too true!
I must give them something new.
Played out, Frenchmen? Pas de danger!
Whilst you've still your Brav' Boulanger!
Do they think Boulanger "mizzles,"
After all his recent "fizzles"?
(Most expressive slang, the Yankee!)
Pas si bête, my friends. No thank ye!
Came a cropper? Very true!
But I remount—my hobby's new,
So's my trumpet. Rooey-too!
France go softly? Pas de danger!
Whilst she has her Brav' Boulanger!
Cannot say her looks quite flatter.
Rather scornful. What's the matter?
Have you lost your recent fancy
For me and my charger prancy?
Turn those eyes this way, now do!
Mark my hobby,—not a screw!
Listen to my chanson new!
Bismarck flout you? Pas de danger!
He's afraid of Brav' Boulanger.
THE CAPTAIN OF THE "PARIS."
Captain Sharp, of the Newhaven steamer, Paris, you're no craven;
Grim and growling was the gale that you from your dead reckoning bore;
And, but for your brave behaving, she might never have made haven,
But have foundered in mid-Channel, or been wrecked on a lee-shore.
With your paddle-floats unfeathered, wonder was it that you weathered
Such a storm as that of Sunday, which upset our nerves on land,
Though in fire-side comfort tethered. How it blew, and blared, and blethered!
All your passengers, my Captain, say your pluck and skill were grand.
Much to men like you is owing, when wild storms around are blowing,
As they seem to have been doing since the opening of the year:
Howling, hailing, sleeting, snowing; but for captains calm and knowing,
Passage of our angry Channel were indeed a task of fear.
Well, you brought them safely through it, when not every man could do it,
And your passengers, my Captain, are inspired with gratitude.
Therefore, Mr. Punch thus thanks you, and right readily enranks you,
As a hero on the record of our briny island brood.
Verily the choice of "Paris" in this case proved right; and rare is
Fitness between name and nature such as that you illustrate.
Captain Sharp! A proper nomen, and it proved a prosperous omen
To your passengers, whom Punch must on their luck congratulate.
