clackity-clickity, clickity-clackity, clackity-clickity-clack!

Bl. (apologetically to Audience). Her taste in dress is rather plain! (Dances.) Tippity-tappity, &c.

Br. (in pitying aside). It is a pity she's so vain! (Dances.) Tippity-tappity, &c.

Bl.

Br.

[N.B.—In consideration of the well-known difficulty that most popular variety-artists experience in the metrical delivery of decasyllabic couplets, the lines which follow have been written as they will most probably be spoken.

Bl. (looking off with alarm). Why, here comes Fanny Furbelow, a new frock from Paris in!
She'll find me with Brunette—it's too embarrassing!

To Brunette. Brunette, my love, I know such a pretty game we'll play at—
Poor Timburina's ill, and the seaside she ought to stay at.
(The Serpentine's the seaside, let's pretend,)
And you shall take her there—(hypocritically)—you're such a friend!

Br. (with simplicity). Oh, yes, that will be splendid, Blanchidine,
And then we can go and have a dip in a bathing-machine!

Fanny (languidly). Ah, howdy do—isn't this heat too frightful?
And so you're quite alone?

Bl. (nervously). Oh, quite—oh yes, I always am alone, when there's nobody with me.

Fanny (drawling). Delightful!
When I was wondering, only a little while ago,
If I should meet a creature that I know;
Allow me—my new doll, the Lady Minnie!

Bl. (rapturously). Oh, what a perfect love!

Fanny. She ought to be—for a guinea!
Here, you may nurse her for a little while.
Be careful, for her frock's the latest style.

She's the best wax, and has three changes of clothing—
For those cheap wooden dolls I've quite a loathing.

Bl. (hastily). Oh, so have I—they're not to be endured!

Br. I've brought poor Timburina back, completely cured!
Why, aren't you pleased? Your face is looking so cloudy!

F. (haughtily). Is she a friend of yours—this little dowdy?

Bl. (after an internal struggle). Oh, no, what an idea! Why, I don't even know her by name!
Some vulgar child ...

Br. (indignantly). Oh, what a horrid shame!
I see now why you sent us to the Serpentine!

Bl. (heartlessly). There's no occasion to flare up like turpentine.

Br. (ungrammatically). I'm not! Disown your doll, and thrust me, too, aside,
The one thing left for both of us is—suicide!
Yes, Timburina, us no more she cherishes—
(Bitterly.) Well, the Round Pond a handy place to perish is!

Bl. (making a feeble attempt to follow). Come back, Brunette; don't leave me thus, in charity!

F. (with contempt). Well, I'll be off—since you seem to prefer vulgarity.

Bl. No, stay—but—ah, she said—what if she meant it?

F. Not she! And, if she did, we can't prevent it.

Bl. (relieved). That's true—we'll play, and think no more about her.

F. (sarcastically). We may just manage to get on without her!
So come—(perceives doll lying face upwards on path)—you odious girl, what have you done?
Left Lady Minnie lying in the blazing sun!
'Twas done on purpose—oh, you thing perfidious!

You knew she'd melt, and get completely hideous!
Don't answer me, Miss—I wish we'd never met.
You're only fit for persons like Brunette!

Bl. Gone! Ah, I am rightly punished! What would I not give now to have homely little Brunette, and dear old wooden-headed Timburina back again! She wouldn't melt in the sun.... Where are they now? Great Heavens! that threat—that rash resolve ... I remember all! 'Twas in the direction of the Pond they vanished. (Peeping anxiously between trees.) Are they still in sight?... Yes, I see them! Brunette has reached the water's edge.... What is she purposing! Now she kneels on the rough gravel; she is making Timburina kneel too! How calm and resolute they both appear! (Shuddering.) I dare not look further—but, ah, I must—I must!... Horror! I saw her boots flash for an instant in the bright sunlight; and now the ripples have closed, smiling over her little black stockings!... Help!—save her, somebody!—help!... Joy! a gentleman has appeared on the scene—how handsome, how brave he looks! He has taken in the situation at a glance! With quiet composure he removes his coat—oh, don't trouble about folding it up!—and why, why remove your gloves, when there is not a moment to be lost? Now, with many injunctions, he entrusts his watch to a bystander, who retires, overcome by emotion. And now—oh, gallant, heroic soul!—now he is sending his toy terrier into the seething water! (Straining eagerly forward.) Ah, the dog paddles bravely out—he has reached the spot ... oh, he has passed it!—he is trying to catch a duck! Dog, dog, is this a time for pursuing ducks? At last he understands—he dives ... he brings up—agony! a small tin cup! Again ... this time, surely—what, only an old pot-hat!... Oh, this dog is a fool! And still the Round Pond holds its