A Virtue of Necessity.—Aunt Maria. What a good little boy to leave your little friends to come with a poor old auntie like me.

Master Douglas. Oh, mother always makes us do nasty things and things we don't like.

Master Tommy's Receipts.—(The Fair Weather Barometer.) This is a pleasing and simple experiment. The mercury is removed, and divided in equal portions between the cat, the parrot next door, and the interior of grandpapa's forty-guinea repeater. This may cause some local disturbance, but the barometer, relieved of undue pressure, and set at "very dry," may be relied on to indicate, without further attention, permanent fair weather.

At the Board School.—Inspector. Now, can any of you children state what is likely to be the future of China?

One Maiden (after a pause). Please sir, father says that China's like him.

Inspector. Like him! What do you mean?

The Maiden. Sure to be broken by the force of circumstances.

    [Class dismissed immediately.

AN INNOCENT HINT

Auntie. "What is Nellie's nose for?"

Nellie (doubtfully). "To smell with."

Auntie. "And what is Nellie's mouth for?"

Nellie (cautiously). "To eat with."

Auntie. "And what are Nellie's ears for?"

Nellie (confidently). "Ear-rings."

A Little Knowledge!—Miss Tomboy. Mamma, I think those French women were beastly rude.

Mother. You mustn't speak like that of those ladies, it's very wrong. And how often have I told you not to say "beastly"?

Miss Tomboy. Well, they were rude. They called me a little cabbage (mon petit chou). The next time they do that I shall call them old French beans.

Soliloquy.—"I should like that engine. Can't afford it myself. They won't buy it for me at home—too soon after Christmas. Must go in and ask the girl to put it aside for me till next time I have the croup or something; then mother 'll buy it me!

"TOO CLEVER BY HALF"

"Conservation of Tissue."—Uncle. "Well, Tommy, you see I'm back; are you ready? What have I to pay for, miss?" Miss. "Three buns, four sponge cakes, two sandwiches, one jelly, five tarts, and——" Uncle. "Good gracious, boy! Are you not ill?" Tommy. "No, uncle; but I'm thirsty."