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قراءة كتاب Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 105, September 30th 1893
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Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 105, September 30th 1893
wants to Know.—"Who was the celebrated Scotchman," she asks, "who took 'the Cameroons' to East Africa?"
SIR AQUARIUS TO THE RESCUE!
Or, The Valiant Knight of the Watering Pot, and the Laidly Dragon of London.
["The Report of the Royal Commission appointed for the purpose of ascertaining whether the sources available within the watersheds of the Thames and Lea are adequate in quantity and quality for the water supply of the metropolis, has been laid upon the table of the House of Commons.... The Commissioners are convinced that much filth of various kinds is discharged unnecessarily and illegally into the rivers.... They insist upon the necessity for frequent inspection by an authority appointed for the purpose.... The treatment of the water after abstraction from the river is a subject to which the Commissioners have devoted a good deal of attention ... they suggest that regulations should be drawn up after competent inquiry, and strictly enforced, the enforcement being entrusted to a Public Water Examiner, who should have the legal right of entry to all the waterworks."—The Times.]
Air—"The Dragon of Wantley."
Old stories tell how Hercules
A dragon slew at Lerna,
With seven heads and fourteen eyes,
To see and well discern-a.
But our Laidly worm, who can wriggle and squirm,
Our health long time hath undone;
And it's oh! for a knight, or some man of might,
To demolish the Dragon of London!
This dragon hath two horrid heads,
For forage and for foison;
The one's all jaw, and devouring maw,
Whilst the other breathes forth poison.
Monopolist Greed is the one, indeed,
Whilst the other means Pollution;
And a hide of iron doth environ
Each scaly convolution.
You've heard, of course, of the Trojan horse;
Well, this Dragon is thrice as big, Sir!
With the mouth of a hog, or a Pollywog,
Or Egyptian Porcupig, Sir!
Like the Snapping Turtle he'll hustle and hurtle,
And gulp like the Gobbling Grampus;
And smite and shock, like the Jabberwock,
Or the Chawsome Catta-Wampus!
On the river's banks he plays his pranks,
An Amphibious Amphisbæna;
By the Thames and the Lea his coils you'll see,
A-stretch—like a concertina.
For the Thames to him, from brim to brim,
Is a sort of a private Pactolus,
In whose sands of gold this Dragon bold
Can roll and wallow—solus!
With one head he grabs L. S. D.
(Like a Nibelungen Treasure),
With t'other, whose breath means disease and death,
He befouls it beyond measure.
And those two heads o'er the watersheds
Of the Thames and Lea do hover,
Till a noxious brewage of slime and sewage
Is the draught of the water-lover.
Where's the "More of More Hall with nothing at all,"
To bring swift retribution,
And put the gag on this two-headed Dragon
Of Greed and of Pollution?
Hurroo! Hooray! Some have had their say
(And their counsels have been various).
But there looms in sight a "peerless knight,"
Which his name is "Sir Aquarius."
This Public Water Examiner,
"With legal right of entry,"
Should right the wrong of this Dragon strong,
And o'er river-rights stand sentry.
More of More Hall was nothing at all
For a balladist to brag on,
Compared with our Knight of the Watering Pot—
If he'll slay our River Dragon!
"QUITE AT HOME."
Podgers (who is somehow managing to spend his holiday at a Country House for the shooting). "Well, speaking of Boots, Sir John, you see these Shoes I have on. They cost me exactly Four-and-Sixpence. Now I dare say you gave TWICE as much for yours?"
Strictly Entre Nous (communicated by Sir Ben Trovato).—Quite recently Mr. Condie Stephen had the honour of dining with Her Majesty at Balmoral. He expressed himself highly pleased with a certain port wine at dessert. Sir Algernon "of that ilk" suggested that a bin of it should be put by in the Royal cellars, to be kept specially for Mr. Stephen's visits, and labelled "Condie's Fluid."
TURPIN AND TRAINS.
Railway travelling in Chicago must be pleasant. "The express train to New York," says Dalziel's Express in the Times of the 13th, "on the Lake Shore Railway was stopped by robbers about 140 miles east of Chicago." Twenty robbers, masked, did the business, killing the engine driver, and blowing open the express compartment of the car with dynamite! When travelling by steam was introduced we congratulated ourselves on our roads being freed from Dick Turpin, Paul Clifford, and Co.; and with steamers, Atlantic liners, and so forth, it was presumed that the last had been heard of Paul Jones and the Red Rover. But can this immunity be any longer guaranteed? May we not in due course expect to hear of "A P. and O. steamer robbed on the High Seas by a Pirate Craft," or "The Bath Express stopped soon after leaving Swindon by Paul Clifford, jun., and his gang of desperadoes"?
Something like a Centenarian.—The Daily Chronicle gives a most useful summary of notable events for every day in the week. Here is one to be quoted as ever memorable, which appeared on Wednesday, Sept. 20:—
"Battle of Newbury. Lord Falkland killed, 1643.
Bishop John Gauden died, 1662.
Battle of Valmy, 1792.
Sir Edward James Reed, K.C.B., born, 1630!!
Battle of the Alma, 1854."
We congratulate Sir Edward on having attained his Two-hundred-and-sixty-third birthday!! The oldest inhabitant isn't in it with him.
UNDER THE ROSE.
(A Story in Scenes.)
Scene V.—A General Waiting-room at Clapham Junction. Curphew is leaning against the mantelpiece. Mr. Toovey is seated on one of the horsehair chairs against the wall.
Mr. Toovey (to himself). I do wish he'd sit down, and not look at me in that