id="pgepubid00015">(A Story in Scenes.)

Scene XI.—At the entrance to The Eldorado Music-hall. Time—Saturday evening, about 8.30. Mrs. Toovey, who has just alighted from a Waterloo bus, approaches; she wears a veil, under which her spectacles gleam balefully, and passes the various boards and coloured posters with averted eyes.

Mrs. Toovey (to herself). I'm late—I ought to have taken a cab, instead of that dawdling bus. Still, I shall be in plenty of time to surprise Pa in the very midst of his profligacy. (She looks around her.) Gilding, rosewood and mahogany panels, plush, stained glass—oh, the wicked luxury of it all! (She pushes open a swing door.) Where is the place you call Box C? I—I have to meet somebody there.

[She finds herself in a glittering bar, where she produces a distinct sensation among a few loungers there.

A Barmaid (tartly). There's no entrance to the music-hall this way. You've come to the wrong place.

Mrs. Toov. (with equal acidity). Ah, young woman, you need not tell me that! (She goes out with a withering glance, and hears stifled sniggers as the doors swing after her.) A drinking-bar on the very threshold to trap the unwary—disgraceful! (She tries the next door, and finds a stalwart official, in a fancy uniform.) Will you have the goodness to conduct me to Box C, instantly?

The Official. Next door, please, Ma'am. This only admits to the Grand Lounge.

Mrs. Toov. (to herself). The "Grand Lounge," indeed! (She opens another door, and finds a Pay-box, where she addresses the check-taker through the pigeon-hole.) I want to go to Box C. I've asked for it at I don't know how many places, and——

Checktaker (politely). I'm really afraid you'll have to ask again, Ma'am. This is the Promenade. Box-office next entrance.

Mrs. Toov. (to herself, indignantly). I only hope they make it as difficult for other people to get in as they do for me! So Pa comes here to lounge and promenade, does he? Oh, let me only catch him, I'll send him promenading! (She goes to the Box-office.) I want Box C, wherever that is.

Book-Keeper. Can give you Box D, if you like. Box C is reserved for this evening.

Mrs. Toov. (sharply). I am quite aware of that. For Mr. Theophilus Toovey. I have come to join him here.

Book-K. (referring to book). It is entered in that name, certainly; but—hem—may I ask if you belong to Mr. Toovey's party?

Mrs. Toov. (crushingly). No doubt you consider that his wife has no claim to—— Most certainly I belong to his party.

Book-K. That is quite sufficient, Madam. (To Attendant.) Show this lady to Box C. (To himself, as Mrs. T. follows the Attendant up some velvet-covered stairs.) Well, it's no business of mine; but if Mr. Toovey, whoever he is, isn't careful what he's about, he may be sorry for it—that's all!

Mrs. Toov. (to herself). They never even asked for my ticket. Pa's evidently well known here! (To Attendant.) A programme? with pictures of dancing girls all over it! You ought to be ashamed to offer such things to a respectable woman!

Att. (surprised). I've never heard them objected to before, Ma'am. Can I bring you any refreshments? (Persuasively.) Bottle-ale or stout? Lemonade and brandy? Whisky and soda?

Mrs. Toov. Don't imagine you can tempt me, man. I've been a total abstainer ever since I was five!

Att. (opening box-door). Indeed, Ma'am. I suppose now you 'aven't mistook this for Exeter 'All?—because it ain't!

Mrs. Toov. I am in no danger of making that mistake! (She enters the box.) I am here before Pa after all. What a gaudy, wicked, glaring place to be sure! Ugh, this filthy tobacco; it chokes me, and I can scarcely see across the hall. Not that I want to see. Well, if I sit in the corner behind the curtain I shan't be seen myself. To think that I—I—should be here at all, but the responsibility is on Pa's head, not mine! What are those two girls singing about on the stage? They are dressed decently enough, I'll say that for them, though pinafores and baby bonnets at their age are ridiculous.

[She listens.

The Sisters Sarcenet (on stage). You men are deceivers and awfully sly. Oh, you are!

Male portion of audience (as is expected from them). No we aren't!

The Sisters S. (archly). Now you know you are!

Male audience (as before). No, we've not!

The Sister S. (with the air of accusing angels). Why, you know you have!

Mrs. Toov. (to herself). It's to those young women's credit that they have the courage to come here and denounce the men to their faces—like this. And it's gone home to them, too! they're shouting out "Over!" (Here the Sisters suddenly turn a couple of "cart-wheels" with surprising unanimity, amidst roars of applause.) Oh, the shameless minxes! I will not sit and look on at such scandalous exhibitions. (She moves to the corner nearest the stage, and turns her back upon the proceedings.) How much longer will Pa compel me to assist at such scenes, I wonder? Why doesn't he come? Where is he now? (Bitterly.) No doubt on what those vulgar wretches would call the "Tiddle-y-hi!" (The Brothers Bimbo, Eccentric Clowns, appear on the stage.) I can't sit here in a corner looking at nothing. If I do see anything improper, Theophilus shall answer for it. (She changes her place again.) Acrobats—well, they're inoffensive at least. Oh, I do believe one of the nasty things is climbing up to the balcony; he's going to walk along here!

First Brother Bimbo (on stage, to his confrère, who is balancing himself on the broad ledge of the box tier). Ohè—'old up, there. Prenny garde! Ah, il tombera! There, I told yer so! (The Second Brother B. has reached the front of Mrs. Toovey's box, where he pretends to stumble.) Oh, le pover garçong, look at 'im now! Come back, do! Ask the lady to ketch 'old of your trousers be'ind!

Mrs. Toov. (to the Second Brother, firmly). Don't expect me to do anything of the sort. Go back, as your brother asks you to, you silly fellow. You shouldn't attempt such a foolhardy thing at all!

Second Br. B. (to the First). Oh, my! There's such a nice young lady in here; she's asking me to come in and set along with her! May I?

[He lets himself drop astride the ledge, and wags his head at Mrs. Toovey, to her intense horror.

Mrs. Toov. (in an audible undertone). If you don't take away that leg at once, I'll pinch it!

Second Br. B. Eh? Not now; my brother says I mustn't. "Come round afterwards?" Well, well, we'll see! (He springs up on the ledge again, and kisses his hand to her.) Goo'bye, ducky! 'Ave no fears for me. Whoo-up!