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• Question. I suppose your chief desire is to make as much out of the public as possible?
• Answer. I suppose it is.
• Q. And you will be as glad to attain your object by politeness as by any other method?
• A. Well, of course it don't matter to me how I get the coin, so long as I do get it.
• Q. Precisely. Well, have you ever tried to be polite?
• A. Never. Don't know exactly what the word represents.
• Q. So I thought. Well, I will attempt to teach you its meaning by example.
• A. Thank you; so long as it helps me, and don't hurt you, what's the odds?
• Q. Certainly; I see that you have some rudimentary knowledge of the matter already. Well, to begin. Suppose a fare gave you less than what you considered your right charge, how would you behave?
• A. If a policeman wasn't in the way, I should say "What's this?" and glare at him indignantly.
• Q. Have you found this a successful method of obtaining an increase?
• A. Well, no, not much. Of course if you get an old lady, or a mother with a heap of children, you can do almost anything with them.
• Q. But let us take a smart cavalry officer, who knows his way about town, do you think the method you suggest would be successful with him?
• A. No, I don't; but no cavalry officer who was really smart would offer me less than my fare.
• Q. But we are assuming that there may be some question about the fare. For instance, what would you consider the right charge from Charing Cross railway-station to the St. James's Theatre?
• A. Why, eighteen pence, to be sure, and a cheap eighteen pence in the bargain.
• Q. Your computation of the charge will suit my purpose. Of course, you know that the police put the distance at something less than two miles, I may say considerably less?
• A. I daresay they do, but the police are not everybody, and you said I was not to consider the constables if they weren't on the spot. If they were, of course that would make a difference.
• Q. Assume you get a shilling. Now suppose you were to look at the coin, and to say, "I beg your pardon, Sir, but are you aware this shilling is a George the Fourth, or a well-preserved William the Fourth, or an early Victoria, would you not like to exchange it for one of less historical interest?" Do you not think that such a speech, with a civil touch of the hat, would immediately attract attention?
• A. It might, but I can't say for certain, as I have never tried it.
• Q. I did not suppose that you had. Do you not believe that were you to make such a remark your kind consideration would receive attention?
• A. Quite as likely as not, but what then?
• Q. Well, having established yourself on a friendly footing, could you not improve the occasion by adding, "I do not know whether you are aware of the fact, Sir, but I frequently receive eighteen pence for the very distance you have just travelled?"
• A. Of course I could, but what good would it be?
• Q. That you will probably find out if you act on my suggestion, and now, as I have taught you enough for to-day, I will adopt a driver's phrase and "pull up." Have you anything polite to say to me which will prove to me that you have been bettered by my instruction?
• A. Nothing that I can think of, unless it be, "Thank you for nothing."
• Q. That is scarcely the reply I had expected. However, do not be disheartened, to thank me at all is a move in the right direction. And now you will come again?
• A. Well, yes, when I have nothing better to do.
• Q. I am infinitely obliged to you. I will detain you no longer. Good-bye, and I hope you will adopt my method and find it successful.
• A. I hope so, too. But there's no telling.

THINGS ONE WOULD RATHER HAVE EXPRESSED DIFFERENTLY.

"Don't go, Canon; I want to introduce you to a Lady who wishes to make your acquaintance."

"Oh—er—I'm rather in a hurry; some other day, perhaps—er—er."

"It's my Wife, you know."

"Oh, that's different. I thought you said a Lady! I shall be charmed!"

THE BLACK SHADOW.

THE THREE V'S.

(Voice, Vote, and Veto.)

[What the brewers want is a Reform Bill by which "every adult resident with a throat