know well enough what I mean," said Alice, quite out of patience. "It isn't the promise I want to keep; it's what I promised about."

"Oh, in that case, we quite agree," said the Red Knight. "If you give people a promise and keep something else, it's all right." And he began to row harder than ever.

CHAPTER IV

"Sometimes," said the Red Knight, "a situation arises where mere words will not do at all. Look at this paper, for instance."

"It's a telegram, isn't it?" said Alice.

"A special night-letter," said the Red Knight. "It's from the Prime Minister of Kansas. It says: 'When you take a third cup at breakfast, do you drink coffee like the plain people, or cocoa like the enemies of progress?' Now, words alone could not express my views on the subject. The only way I can answer this highly important question is like this."

And then, to Alice's astonishment, the Red Knight descended from his horse and stood straight in the air on his hands, as Alice had frequently seen her little brother do in the back yard at home.

"On the one hand," said the Red Knight, lifting his right arm from the ground and tipping dangerously to the left. "I believe that the right of the common people to drink coffee in the morning is inalienable, and if the Constitution is in the way it should be recalled. On the other hand," suiting his action to the word and tipping dangerously to the right, "if some people are put upon a cocoa diet by doctor's orders, they should be at liberty to drink cocoa even if they are rich. I think," concluded the Red Knight as he got to his feet quite breathless and very red in the face, "that the Prime Minister of Kansas will henceforth know how I stand upon the subject."

"I didn't know you were so clever at gymnastics," said Alice with sincere admiration.

"Oh, I am," said the Red Knight, with an air of justified pride. "I am the only one in the country who can sit between two stools without touching either or falling to the ground."

"I don't see how anybody can do that," said Alice.

"I do it by sitting on my record," said the Red Knight.

CHAPTER V

Alice was beginning to feel rather tired, when they turned another corner and saw the old woman who lived in a shoe. The landlord didn't like to have babies in the house, and the cost of living was dreadfully high, and so she didn't know what else to do. The Red Knight kissed every one of the children—there were just fifty-seven of them—and told them that under certain circumstances they might all be President some day.

Alice had been long away from home, and the sight of the little ones almost brought tears to her eyes.

"The darlings!" she said. "I should just have to bathe them all and put them to bed. I wonder how you can keep count of them, ma'am."

"It's very simple," said the woman. "I make them punch a clock, in the morning just before breakfast, and again before they go to bed. But it's the breakfast that worries me," she went on, turning to the Red Knight. "With fifty-seven mouths to feed, and each one demanding a bowl of cereal and an egg, and prices what they are."

"But on the other hand," said the Red Knight, "see what you have done for your country and your race."

"I know," said the old woman. "I heard people say that if the tariff were reduced, then groceries might come cheaper somehow; I am not clever at such things, but you know what I mean."

The Red Knight smiled jovially.

"I quite understand, Madam," he said. "What you mean is that the Presidential primary ought to be established in every State."

"Perhaps I did mean that," said the old woman, a little dazed. "They were also saying that if American sewing-machines were sold in this country at only twenty-five per cent. more than they are sold abroad, it would be a good thing for us housewives. Perhaps I'm not quite clear."

"I grasp your meaning perfectly," said the Red Knight. "You meant to imply that the greatest need of the moment is the recall of judicial decisions."

"Well, I suppose it's so," said the old woman. "But I did think that if we had reciprocity with Canada, every one of the children might have an egg for breakfast. I wonder if it is really possible."

"It is, Madam," said the Red Knight; "as soon as we establish the initiative and referendum."

"Does that mean two separate things, or one?" asked Alice, who had been reading the "Rubaiyat" to the thirteen youngest children.

"Two, of course," said the Red Knight. "I supply the initiative, and Perkins furnishes the referendum."

He took off his helmet and from it drew forth two large paper boxes, at the sight of the contents of which all the fifty-seven children broke into a cheer. They were still cheering for the Red Knight as Alice and her companion disappeared around the corner.

"Was it breakfast food you had in the boxes?" asked Alice.

"My dear Alice," said the Red Knight, "when you grow up and go into society, you will learn that popular enthusiasm does not thrive on breakfast food. You know what children like. In one of the boxes there was fudge, and in the other box there was taffy."

CHAPTER VI

"Whichever way you look at it," said the Red Knight, "there is only one possible conclusion. I am the logical candidate at Chicago."

"What is a logical candidate?" said Alice.

"A logical candidate," said the Red Knight, "is one who, when the necessity arises, can prove that 'I won't' means 'I will.'"

"That should be a very difficult thing to do," said Alice.

"I find it the easiest thing in the world," said the Red Knight. "Let us look at it in this way: No one will deny that the President of the United States should be a man about fifty-four years old, about five feet ten inches tall, powerfully built, wear glasses, and live on the north shore of Long Island. That, I believe, is axiomatic."

"That's another word I don't know the meaning of," said Alice.

"An axiom, my dear girl, is something which is so obviously true that the man who denies it must be a crook or an infamous liar. Very well, then. In the second place, a candidate for the Presidency should be a man of wide experience. He must have lived in the White House at least seven years, and before that he must have been a member of the Legislature, a Police Commissioner, a cavalry colonel, and the author of a short but masterly treatise on the Irish sagas."

"Is that axiomatic, also?" said Alice.

"Naturally," said the Red Knight.

"Then it means you once more?"

"Exactly," said the Red Knight. "And in the last place he should be a descendant of the old Dutch patroons, a native of New York, and his name should begin with an R and end with a T, and have at least two O's and a V between. Now what does all that prove?"

"Axiomatically, you mean?" said Alice.

"Of course," said the Red Knight.

"It means you again," said Alice.

"You are a very bright child to see the point so quickly," said the Red Knight. "Thus I am the logical candidate of the moment. But please observe that I am much more than that. I am also the physiological candidate, because I can speak faster and louder than any man in the country, and can slug a man harder through the ropes. Then, I am the zoological candidate, because of my record in Africa. And I am the entomological candidate, because I am the broadest-minded man in the world, and my views are absolutely insectarian."

"I don't think that is a very good pun, do you?"