PUNCH,

OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

Vol. 109.

September 21, 1895.

IN THE VESTRY.

Strange Minister (to Elder). "Do you come up to the Pulpit for the Collection?"

Elder. "Na, na. We're no Partickler to a Bawbee here!"

THE END OF GEORGIE'S AND JACKY'S HOLIDAYS.

(A Second Extract from the Note-Book of Mr. Barlow the Younger.)

Now that the summer vacation is drawing rapidly to a close, it may be as well to record the end of the holidays of my two interesting charges, Georgie and Jacky. Some little time since I wrote the story of one of their exploits. The two lads do not live a very eventful life even in their hours of recreation. During the mid-annual recess I usually choose some delightful spot for our temporary home, combining the joint charms of change of scene and increased economy. The fashionable watering-place of Drainville-on-Sea has a suburb in which apartments may be obtained at a very reasonable figure. The reason for this lowness of price is no doubt to be traced to the fact that many of the residences are in the habitation of the superfluous live stock of a very prosperous pork merchant, having his house of business in the neighbourhood. However, in spite of our distance from Drainville-on-Sea, my lads have been fairly contented with their lot. They have been able to fish, to climb trees, and to take long walks.

"Revered Sir," said, on one occasion, Georgie, who is generally accepted as the spendthrift of my brace of students, "it would give great pleasure to Jacky if you were kindly to give me a shilling with which to purchase Japanese caramel cannon-balls. I have reasons for believing that his medical attendant, Dr. Coffyn Blockhead, considers that this delicious sweetstuff, or, I should say, pleasing physic, would be of much benefit to him."

"Why is the lad ill?" I asked, with an anxiety tempered with incredulity.

"No, revered Sir," promptly replied Georgie; "and I fancy that Dr. Coffyn Blockhead regards the composition, which may be obtained at a penny the ounce, or two ounces for three halfpence, rather as a preventative than a curative. Were Jacky to have a shilling's-worth, he would not only possess enough to ward off the shaft of the destroyer himself, but would be able to give me a sufficient quantity to parry the insidious dart of disease; and that you might be satisfied that the money was expended in the life-protecting compound in question, I would willingly undertake to make the purchase."

Here Jacky protested that he was quite old and conscientious enough to be trusted with the cash himself.

"Not that I have any doubt of my respected comrade's probity," he quickly added; "but in matters of business one cannot be too careful."

"My dear pupils," said I, "nothing would give me greater pleasure than to accede to your request, had I the means at hand. I fancy, in spite of the opinion of Dr. Coffyn Blockhead—a physician whose name I now hear for the first time—that I should have to consider the cost of Japanese caramel cannon-balls as an incident properly chargeable to pocket-money. Unfortunately you both exhausted that fund a fortnight since, by causing me to defray the expenses of a donkey ride, which mounted up in the aggregate to no less an amount than one shilling and eightpence halfpenny."

"But surely, revered Sir," suggested Georgie, who has a bent for mathematics; "as our parents allow us half-a-sovereign a week each for the purposes of recreation, the sum you mention, although not inconsiderable, would scarcely have——"

"Stop!" I cried, with some show of severity; "you really must not argue with me. I do not give you all your ten shillings a week, as I am reserving a portion of them to form the nucleus of an old-age pension to which you will become entitled on reaching eighty. The scheme is not without complications, so I reserve its description in detail until you are both old enough to understand it. Enough to say that I must repeat the present advance of a shilling is impossible."

After this rebuff the lads were silent, and I regret to say not altogether contented. However, they soon, with the elasticity of youth, regained their spirits, and were as merry and as happy as ever. They absented themselves from my society more frequently than before, and when I saw them, seemed to be unusually prosperous, or to use an expressive colloquialism, "flush of money." Georgie continually appeared in gigantic collars that could have only been acquired at considerable expense, and Jacky as often carried a new walking-stick with a fairly costly handle. On one occasion they came home with a gift for me. It was a mug with a rough sketch of a mule or some less noble animal on the side balancing the handle, and was labelled "A Present from Drainville-on-Sea." I was gratified, but my satisfaction savoured of curiosity.

During the absence of my pupils I frequently visited the neighbouring watering-place. Amongst the many distractions of the sands was one "entertainment" which caused me considerable embarrassment. Two "mysterious minstrels" disguised in wideawakes, blue spectacles, and comforters occasionally made what is known as a "dead set" at me. These vocalists (who were small, but noisy), did a roaring trade amongst the excursionists. They seemed to have a long répertoire of songs. They vocally narrated the adventures of a young person from the country, who seemingly, with a view to enjoying the restorative effects of sea-bathing, appeared with "her hair hanging down her back," and the vagaries of a body of revellers who preferred to parade the streets "nine in a row," instead of in couples or singly, when they were in a condition subsequently recognised by the presiding magistrate with a fine of five shillings. These ditties were not altogether unamusing, and I might have enjoyed them had they not been supplemented by a song dealing personally with myself. This last effort was mere doggerel, but it was so insulting that I was forced to give the vocalists into custody. I explained that the lines were calculated to cause a breach of the peace, and the local policeman removed the singers to the station-house.

This last adventure caused me some annoyance, and I returned to my suburban lodgings in the hope that in the cheerful conversation of my charges I might forget my chagrin. Neither Georgie nor Jacky were at home. The hours of dinner, tea, and supper passed, and they still put in no appearance. This caused me considerable surprise, as, although not very regular in their habits, they were accustomed to pay attention to the fixtures of meal time. Late in the evening, a police constable called, and