A thousand times better, mother.

MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL:
Better than the Tuesday soirees at your cousin Cunegonde's?

LICIDAS:
Even better.

MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL:
Is it credible?

MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: You will never persuade me that it's more amusing at her place than at this club where we smoke by day sometimes three, sometimes six, sometime nine pipes?

LICIDAS:
Yes, father.

MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL:
And what's done there?

LICIDAS:
They're putting on a play there.

MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL:
Ah! My God! That's ruinous. A young man of 24 acting in a play.

MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: It's fine for a woman to act in a play; but a man must make war, always war.

LICIDAS:
But father—when we are at peace?

MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL:
That makes no difference.

MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL:
I would be very upset if you were making war. That's much too rough
for my darling son. But act in a play! Truly, that makes me shudder!
Never would my mother or my grand-mother have imagined such a thing.

LICIDAS: If you were to see Signora Fantastici she would please you. She's so animated, so lively! She recites verses, she sings. Her daughter does the same thing. And as for me, I already know the responses; they've taught me to declaim the way they do.

MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL:
Ah, my God! He's ruined!

LICIDAS: I intend to follow Signora Fantastici. I intend to go to Italy with her.

MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL:
Ah, Heaven!

MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL:
Why what's all this, Mr. Licidas?

LICIDAS: Father, I'm too bored here. Everyone says the same thing here, from the beginning of the year until the end. How are you? they say to Mother. Very well, she replies. The weather's indeed cold today. It's true but last year, about the same time it was much worse. Do you think so, says my old cousin. I am of your opinion, replies my aunt. And the next day it starts all over.

MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL:
Behold the impertinent!

LICIDAS: Father is always telling us about the same siege. The one at Troy didn't last as long.

MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL:
Will you stop! If I—

LICIDAS: Signora Fantastici has a new idea every day. Music, pictures, poetry fill and vary her life. Father and Mother, I really ask your forgiveness but I intend to follow Signora Fantastici.

MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL:
Ah! We shall know how to prevent you. But here is your brother
Rodolphe who will set you straight.

RODOLPHE: (entering) Hello Father—how's the pipe going? Hello Mother, how are your nerves? I pity the fact you have such things. As for me, I don't have nerves, I've got devilishly good health. And you, brother, I find you even more jolly than usual. Would you like to enlist? Here I am quite ready to get you into my regiment.

MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL:
Do you know what he wants to enlist in? It's a troupe of actors.

RODOLPHE: What? An actor! That's abominable. If he had such an idea I'd run him through with my sword. I don't know much about acting but I imagine that it's unworthy of a soldier. And I don't want to hear it spoken of.

MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL:
That's well reasoned.

MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: My son, you see what you are exposing us to? Now here's your brother going to pass for someone wiser than you.

MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: Come, come, Madame. Don't you lament; he's going to set the lad straight. I am going to find my friend the Commissioner. And he will make this Signora Fantastici who puts trouble in all heads—leave.

MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL:
My dear friend, don't get so excited.

MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: My wife, have a care of restraining me, for By Jove, when I set myself to it, I frighten myself.

(to Rodolphe) So watch over your brother and don't let him leave here.

RODOLPHE:
That's fine, papa.

(Exit Mr. and Mrs. De Kriegschenmahl)

RODOLPHE: Ah, brother mine, so you are playing pranks, too. You who my mother was always citing to me as a model? So at the moment it is I who am your mentor.

LICIDAS: What do you want, brother? I thought there were only two ways of living in this world. Like my father or like my mother; like you or like me. And I much preferred mine. But since I became acquainted with Signora Fantastici I would really like to resemble her. Come see her with me.

RODOLPHE: Me? Desert my post! How can you think of it? I am remaining steady here until my father's return. And indeed I will prevent you from leaving.

LICIDAS: Ah, my God! What a bore! Suppose I were to rehearse during this time the verse that the Signora gave me to learn. It's the declaration of Hippolytus. But it has to be addressed to Aricie. Fine. My brother is precisely at my right. He's what's needed. Stay there Rodolphe, stay there.

RODOLPHE:
Surely I'm staying here. Why are you commanding me to do what I wish?

LICIDAS:
"You see before you a lamentable prince."

RODOLPHE:
Why's he saying "lamentable?" Isn't that the same thing as pitiful?
Why are you saying that about yourself? That's very modest.

LICIDAS:
"My bow, my javelins, my chariot all importune me
And my idle horses.—"

RODOLPHE: What? What chariot, what horses are you talking about? You always go by foot.

LICIDAS:
Leave me alone; it's in my part. Shut up!

RODOLPHE:
And what does the princess say to your love?

LICIDAS: Ah! Do you want me to teach you the reply? That would be charming. You will say to me the word of reclama.

RODOLPHE: The word of reclama! What the devil sort of statement is that? Isn't it rather the pass word you mean? Every day, I say it to the patrol.— Who's this little girl who's coming towards us? She's dressed funny, but she's pretty. On my oath, she's pretty!

LICIDAS: It's the charming daughter of Signora Fantastici, Miss Zepherina. They will have pity on my captivity.

ZEPHERINA: (entering)
Hello, Licidas.

LICIDAS:
Hello, Zepherina. Where is Signora Fantastici?

ZEPHERINA: She's going to come. She's staying in the street to purchase some helmets and some armor in a shop.

RODOLPHE:
Helmets and armor! And what's she intend to do with 'em?

ZEPHERINA:
The first play that we will perform will be entirely military.

RODOLPHE:
Entirely military! My pretty child; and how will you set about it?

ZEPHERINA: Licidas will be a cavalry man. And you? Why wouldn't you make a second?

RODOLPHE:
Me! Ah—for goodness sake!

ZEPHERINA:
And why not? You think perhaps you have bad form?

RODOLPHE:
No, truly. I don't think that.

ZEPHERINA:
My mother will correct you.

RODOLPHE:
And in what, Miss—if you please?

ZEPHERINA:
To march straight ahead as you