ALICE'S BLIGHTED PROFESSION

A Sketch for Girls

By
HELEN C. CLIFFORD

Copyright, 1919, By
FITZGERALD PUBLISHING CORPORATION

FITZGERALD PUBLISHING CORPORATION
SUCCESSOR TO
DICK & FITZGERALD
18 Vesey Street New York City, N. Y.

CHARACTERS

Time.—To-day. Locality.—New York City.

Time of Playing.—50 minutes.

Curtain is dropped between Scene I and II for a few minutes to denote lapse of time.

COSTUMES

Appropriate to the character portrayed.

Alice's Blighted Profession

ENTER, c.d., Diana.

Diana. Well, Alice Berning, what do you mean by being indoors on such a beautiful day? Come, put on your wraps, my machine is——

Alice. Diana, you are a regular steam engine. No, I cannot accept your kind invitation to go for a spin.

Diana. Do you know what brought me here to-day? It was to ask you to accompany us on our tour through the north next week. (Sits on arm of Alice's chair) There's a dear. Say you will come. Why, you cannot imagine how disappointed Jack and I will be, not mentioning all our other guests, if you refuse.

Alice. Really, Diana, I am very sorry to have to refuse. But I simply cannot go. Why, look at all this correspondence and no one but myself to answer it.

Diana. Why don't you get a stenographer? Why not advertise?

Alice. Oh, I've done that—I advertised for a stenographer, and, would you believe it, when I came down this morning there were at least twenty-five applicants outside my door clamoring to get in.

Diana. And how did you get rid of them?

Alice. I interviewed each one separately, but found not one qualified to do my work. I verily believe if I encounter another applicant like any of my last ones I shall close up shop and bury myself in the woods. (Woe-begone look)

Diana (fingering cards and papers on desk). Alice Marie Jenkins Berning, what does this mean? Why there isn't anything on these so-called letters but meaningless words. Since when did Mrs. Smith, Mrs. Courld, Mr. Montemout and all these other society favorites become your clients? Ah-ah—the plot thickens—so Dick has been consulting you, too? I suppose he wishes to sue for a separation or something like that. (Cries wildly) Oh dear, oh dear!

Alice. Diana, if you do not stop that nonsense you will spoil my practice. What will my clients think if they should come in and see you carrying on so?

Diana (sobs). Oh, but my husband; to think he has deceived me so. Oh dear, oh dear!

Alice. For goodness sake, stop! And how unlucky you should find out the real state of affairs.

Diana (brightly). Come now, own up. You haven't had a client since you started, and these papers are only pretenses so that a promising client might think you prosperous.

Alice (sighs). Well, I might as well own up. I certainly have had bad luck; but, never mind, my luck will change.

Diana. Ah, dearie, when will you learn your lesson? You were never meant to battle and worry like this, and——

Alice. I am not——

Diana (places hand over Alice's mouth). Now there, please do not interrupt me. Of course you are worrying; why there are tiny wrinkles forming across your brow, and before you know it your mouth will become a straight line and the sparkle will disappear from your dear eyes. Now come—give up this silly fad.

Alice. Can't. When I started this, everyone was against me, especially father and Tom, and now that I've started I shall continue. But how I do wish for better business, and also for an office assistant.

Diana. Well, (Walks toward c.d.) I've got a date with the dressmaker. I'm sorry you are so firm about this thing. Well, good-bye and good luck. [EXIT c.d.

Alice. Well, it could not be avoided, (Rearranges papers) but I will not give it up. Why, I'm stationed here a month and not a client yet. (Listens) I do believe someone is coming toward this office. I must put on a business air. (Through telephone; makes sure it does not ring) Yes, I know—but you see business is so rushed now. (ENTER c.d. Bell) Well, I might consider it. Just a minute, please. (To Bell) Just be seated a minute, please. (Through telephone) As I was saying, I cannot consider it below $5,000.... What's that?... I'm sorry, but my advice is always worth that.... No, not a cent less....

Bell. I beg your——

Alice (waves Bell to silence; continues through telephone). No, I cannot spare time now.... Yes, come over to-morrow.... Oh, about this time.... Good day. (Writes)

Bell. But I say——

Alice. Just a minute, please, and then I'll attend to you. (Writes, blots, folds) Well, madam, what can I do for you?

Bell. Well—I—I—jus-t—just——

Alice. Please, my time is valuable.

Bell.