قراءة كتاب Mr. Punch In Society: Being the humours of social life
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INFELICITOUS QUOTATIONS
Fair Authoress. “So sorry to be so late. I’m afraid I’m last!”
Genial Host. “‘Last—but not least!’”
FASHIONABLE ARRIVALS
Our Money Lender.—From Borrowdale.
Our Standing Counsel.—From the Giant’s Causeway.
Our Butcher.—From the Chops of the Channel.
Our Dentist.—From the Mouth of the Thames.
Our Doctor.—From Lancing.
Our Confectioner.—From Bakewell.
Our Beekeeper.—From Honeybourne.
Our Flirting Friend.—From Florence, Constance Nancy, Nora, and Sophia.
Our Pewopener.—From Hassock’s Gate.
Our Undergraduate.—From Reading.
Our Tailor.—From the New Cut.
Our Own Correspondent.—From Penmaenmawr.
And our Darlings.—From Archangel and the Coast of Bonny.
Front and Side.—She. “What an enormous expanse of shirt-front Major Armstrong has!”
INFELICITOUS QUOTATIONS
Jones (after a delightful waltz). “And now, Miss Brown, let us go and seek some ‘Refreshment for Man and Beast!’”
SOCIAL AGONIES
Social Agonies.—(Scene—Mrs. Montgomery Morris’s Drawing-room just before Dinner.)—Mrs. Sidney Mountjoy (to Hostess). “Oh yes, Biarritz was all very well, but we got into a quarrel with some people there—a dreadful couple, who behaved most shamefully! I’m told the husband, a certain Mr. Hamilton Allsop, means to pull Sidney’s nose whenever and wherever he meets him, and his horrid wife actually declares she’ll——”
Footman. “Mr. and Mrs. ’Amilton Hallsop!”
A Frugal Mind.—She. “And don’t forget to order six dozen of the very driest champagne you can get, for our dance on Tuesday next.”
He. “But the ladies, as a rule, don’t like very dry champagne.”
She. “No, love, they don’t. Neither do the waiters!”
Le Monde où l’on s’amuse.—She. “I want you to come and dine with me, but I suppose you are so much engaged just now. How many deep?”
He. “I really don’t know. Sufficient for the day is the evil thereof.”
THE TRIALS OF A DEBUTANTE
The Twin Muddletons (both claiming the dance, after much argument, simultaneously). “Well, we leave it to you, Miss Brown. You must know whom you gave this dance to!”
[Miss Brown, never having seen them before this, her first ball, and quite unable to tell t’other from which, has no views on the question.
Miss Griffin. “I’m sure it must be Mrs. Jones’s fault that she can’t manage Mabel. The child is most affectionate.”
Polite Visitor (eager to agree). “Yes, the way she gets on with you shows that!”
MAY FAIR NURSERY RHYMES
(For the Children of “Smart People”)
Social Economy.—Mrs. Scrooge. “I’m writing to ask the Browns to meet the Joneses here at dinner, and to the Joneses to meet the Browns. We owe them both, you know.”
Mr. Scrooge. “But I’ve heard they’ve just quarrelled, and don’t speak!”
Mrs. Scrooge. “I know. They’ll refuse, and we needn’t give a dinner party at all!”
TANGIBLE
Second Groom (waiting at tea for the nonce, and handing thin bread-and-butter—sotto voce). “Clap two or three bits together, miss, then you’ll get a
