moved an increase to 4,000 per cent, ad valorem on the foreign jack-plane, which he characterized as a Tool of Tyranny, and the Birmingham inkstand. The thing was done.

Mr. DAWES said he was disgusted. Everybody's jobs were put through except his. He threatened to go home and tell his constituents.

Mr. PETERS suggested that Mr. DAWES had better go out and take "suthin' soothin'." (Mr. PETERS is from Maine, and his remark will probably be understood there.) If he might be pardoned the liberty he would recommend a little ice in it.

Mr. DAWES said he could do his own drinking. As for PETERS, he scorned him. Moreover, PETERS was one-eyed.

Mr. PETERS appealed to his record to show that he had two eyes. He did not understand the anger of Mr. DAWES. Of course when he suggested a drink, he assumed the responsibility of paying for it.

Mr. DAWES said that altered the case entirely. He took pleasure in withdrawing his hasty remarks, and in assuring the House that he profoundly venerated PETERS, and that PETERS had two perfect eyes of unusual expressiveness.

Mr. BINGHAM called attention to the case of Mr. PORTER, who had been smitten on the nose by a vile creature whom he declined to drink with. This was a blow at the national life, and he thought the punishment of treason was imperatively demanded.

Mr. BUTLER said he had been kicked once. He assured the House that the sensation was repugnant to his feelings as a man—much more as a Congressman. He moved to amend by substituting slow torture.

It was finally resolved to put the wretch in irons and feed him on bread and water.

A Drowsy Con.

When a man is sleepy, what sort of transformation does he desire?

He wishes he were a-bed.

An Anecdote of the good old Square Kind.

MRS. PRINGLEWOOD, having been afflicted with a chimney that smoked, sent for a chimney-doctor to cure it.

When the cure had been thoroughly effected, says Mrs. PRINGLEWOOD to the chimney-doctor: "My son, a boy of but fourteen, smokes awful; couldn't you cure him as you did the chimney?"

"No I couldn't, marm," returned the chimney-doctor, who was a wag: "but I see what you're arter, marm—you want me to teach him to draw!"

O Deer, Deer!

Trichinoe are said to have been discovered in the flesh of Oregon deer. If this should prove true, Oregon venison must be anything but a benison; but it is more than likely that the report originated in the fact that there is in the East Indies a species of the cervine family known as the Hog deer.

Scientific Intelligence.

We learn from exchanges that in Missouri, where the wages of working-people average five dollars per diem, that the Legislature have decreed a Mining Bureau, and a Geological Survey of the State—the remuneration of the assistant geologists to be at the rate of $1.50 per diem. Why should these learned geologists waste their time for a compensation so mean? Let them rather convert their surveying-staffs into ox-goads, and turn their attention to Gee-haw-logy,—'twill pay better than t'other thing.

Men and Manners/

The following paragraph, cut from a newspaper, suggests a good deal:

"A Hindoo cabby, before mounting the box and taking the reins, always first prays that his driving may be to the glory of his God."

Now this is precisely what the New York hackman invariably does before he gathers up the reins and urges on his "galled jades." He curses his horses, his passengers, and his own eyes, and thus commends his driving to the glory of his God, whose other name is LUCIFER.

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