Sirha?
  Speed. Shee is not within hearing Sir

   Val. Why sir, who bad you call her?
  Speed. Your worship sir, or else I mistooke

Val. Well: you'll still be too forward

Speed. And yet I was last chidden for being too slow

Val. Goe to, sir, tell me: do you know Madam Siluia? Speed. Shee that your worship loues? Val. Why, how know you that I am in loue? Speed. Marry by these speciall markes: first, you haue learn'd (like Sir Protheus) to wreath your Armes like a Male-content: to rellish a Loue-song, like a Robin-redbreast: to walke alone like one that had the pestilence: to sigh, like a Schoole-boy that had lost his A.B.C. to weep like a yong wench that had buried her Grandam: to fast, like one that takes diet: to watch, like one that feares robbing: to speake puling, like a beggar at Hallow-Masse: You were wont, when you laughed, to crow like a cocke; when you walk'd, to walke like one of the Lions: when you fasted, it was presently after dinner: when you look'd sadly, it was for want of money: And now you are Metamorphis'd with a Mistris, that when I looke on you, I can hardly thinke you my Master

   Val. Are all these things perceiu'd in me?
  Speed. They are all perceiu'd without ye

Val. Without me? they cannot

Speed. Without you? nay, that's certaine: for without you were so simple, none else would: but you are so without these follies, that these follies are within you, and shine through you like the water in an Vrinall: that not an eye that sees you, but is a Physician to comment on your Malady

   Val. But tell me: do'st thou know my Lady Siluia?
  Speed. Shee that you gaze on so, as she sits at supper?
  Val. Hast thou obseru'd that? euen she I meane

Speed. Why sir, I know her not

   Val. Do'st thou know her by my gazing on her, and
yet know'st her not?
  Speed. Is she not hard-fauour'd, sir?
  Val. Not so faire (boy) as well fauour'd

Speed. Sir, I know that well enough

   Val. What dost thou know?
  Speed. That shee is not so faire, as (of you) well-fauourd?
  Val. I meane that her beauty is exquisite,
But her fauour infinite

   Speed. That's because the one is painted, and the other
out of all count

   Val. How painted? and how out of count?
  Speed. Marry sir, so painted to make her faire, that no
man counts of her beauty

Val. How esteem'st thou me? I account of her beauty

Speed. You neuer saw her since she was deform'd

   Val. How long hath she beene deform'd?
  Speed. Euer since you lou'd her

   Val. I haue lou'd her euer since I saw her,
And still I see her beautifull

Speed. If you loue her, you cannot see her

   Val. Why?
  Speed. Because Loue is blinde: O that you had mine
eyes, or your owne eyes had the lights they were wont
to haue, when you chidde at Sir Protheus, for going vngarter'd

Val. What should I see then? Speed. Your owne present folly, and her passing deformitie: for hee beeing in loue, could not see to garter his hose; and you, beeing in loue, cannot see to put on your hose

   Val. Belike (boy) then you are in loue, for last morning
You could not see to wipe my shooes

Speed. True sir: I was in loue with my bed, I thanke you, you swing'd me for my loue, which makes mee the bolder to chide you, for yours

Val. In conclusion, I stand affected to her

   Speed. I would you were set, so your affection would
cease

   Val. Last night she enioyn'd me,
To write some lines to one she loues

   Speed. And haue you?
  Val. I haue

   Speed. Are they not lamely writt?
  Val. No (Boy) but as well as I can do them:
Peace, here she comes

   Speed. Oh excellent motion; oh exceeding Puppet:
Now will he interpret to her

Val. Madam & Mistres, a thousand good-morrows

Speed. Oh, 'giue ye-good-ev'n: heer's a million of manners

Sil. Sir Valentine, and seruant, to you two thousand

Speed. He should giue her interest: & she giues it him

   Val. As you inioynd me; I haue writ your Letter
Vnto the secret, nameles friend of yours:
Which I was much vnwilling to proceed in,
But for my duty to your Ladiship

Sil. I thanke you (gentle Seruant) 'tis very Clerklydone

   Val. Now trust me (Madam) it came hardly-off:
For being ignorant to whom it goes,
I writ at randome, very doubtfully

   Sil. Perchance you think too much of so much pains?
  Val. No (Madam) so it steed you, I will write
(Please you command) a thousand times as much:
And yet -
  Sil. A pretty period: well: I ghesse the sequell;
And yet I will not name it: and yet I care not.
And yet, take this againe: and yet I thanke you:
Meaning henceforth to trouble you no more

Speed. And yet you will: and yet, another yet

   Val. What meanes your Ladiship?
Doe you not like it?
  Sil. Yes, yes: the lines are very queintly writ,
But (since vnwillingly) take them againe.
Nay, take them

Val. Madam, they are for you

   Silu. I, I: you writ them Sir, at my request,
But I will none of them: they are for you:
I would haue had them writ more mouingly:
  Val. Please you, Ile write your Ladiship another

   Sil. And when it's writ: for my sake read it ouer,
And if it please you, so: if not: why so:
  Val. If it please me, (Madam?) what then?
  Sil. Why if it please you, take it for your labour;
And so good-morrow Seruant.

Exit. Sil.

  Speed. Oh Iest vnseene: inscrutible: inuisible,
As a nose on a mans face, or a Wethercocke on a steeple:
My Master sues to her: and she hath taught her Sutor,
He being her Pupill, to become her Tutor.
Oh excellent deuise, was there euer heard a better?
That my master being scribe,
To himselfe should write the Letter?
  Val. How now Sir?
What are you reasoning with your selfe?
  Speed. Nay: I was riming: 'tis you y haue the reason

   Val. To doe what?
  Speed. To be a Spokes-man from Madam Siluia

   Val. To whom?
  Speed. To your selfe: why, she woes you by a figure

   Val. What figure?
  Speed. By a Letter, I should say

   Val. Why she hath not writ to me?
  Speed. What need she,
When shee hath made you write to your selfe?
Why, doe you not perceiue the iest?
  Val. No, beleeue me

   Speed. No beleeuing you indeed sir:
But did you perceiue her earnest?
  Val. She gaue me none, except an angry word

Speed. Why she hath giuen you a Letter

Val. That's the Letter I writ to her friend

Speed. And y letter hath she deliuer'd, & there an end

Val. I would it were