indiscretion," murmured Lord Illingworth. "Good-bye, Henry. It has been a most interesting afternoon."

LORD'S AND SANDOWN.

["The Eclipse Stakes of 10,000 sovs., to be run at Sandown Park on Friday, July 14, is looked upon as practically a match between Baron De Hirsch's filly, La Flèche, and the Duke of Westminster's colt, Orme."—Illustrated Sporting and Dramatic News.]

ROSEBERY TO THE RESCUE!

Unjust Steward. "Foiled! But no mattah! a time will come!!"

THE ART OF WAR.

Inspecting-General (galloping up to Mounted Yeoman, placed on Vedette duty). "Now, Sir, what are you?"

Yeoman. "Well, I do a little bit i' Pigs, Sir!"

ROSEBERY TO THE RESCUE!

Or, the Young Squire, the Unjust Steward, and the Grateful Ratepayer. An Urban Drama, as lately performed at the County Hall, Spring Gardens.

(Enter Steward, bearing plans of a splendid, and expensive, Palace.)

Steward (looking lovingly upon plan). Aha! Now shall I triumph, despite mean Moderates, and cheese-paring Economists, and reluctant Ratepayers. Gr-r-r! how I hate the whole penurious brood! Housed appropriately I must and will be, though Rate Incidence be as yet ill-adjusted, and that blessed word Betterment be but an ear-soothing sound. But hold!—she comes!

Enter Injured, but Beauteous, Ratepayer, wringing her hands.

I. but B. R. (aside). Hah! Whom have we here? Merciless Master D-ck-ns-n, as I'm a living woman! Was't not enough that Vestries should vex me, Boards o'erburden me, Pedagogues oppress, and Precepts perplex, but he too must turn against me? (Aloud.) Give you good den, Master D.! Hast news of comfort for me?

Steward (harshly). Woman, I know not what thou wilt deem news of comfort. But if a superb site and a splendid structure (pointing to Plan) have charms for thy something straitened and sordid soul, then, verily——

I. but B. R. (shrieking as she catches sight of the Plan, and the fair round Figures attached thereto). Alas, Mr. Steward! 'tis, as thou sayst, superb—splendid—and, what is more, prodigiously expensive withal! It is magnifique, but it is not—Economy!

Steward (scornfully). Expensive? Pooh! What matters a Million or twain so London's Guardians be well housed?

I. but B. R. But, in the words of the old game, where's the money to come from? Moreover, is it not understood that all Metropolitan Improvements be postponed till such time as those ghouls of ground-renters, those ogres of property-owners, are compelled proportionally to disgorge?

Steward. Ahem! Truly so! But verily this matter is exceptional and urgent. "Who drives fat oxen should himself be fat;" and they who superintend the People's housing should surely themselves be adequately, not to say magnificently, housed. As to the money—why, fear not for thy pockets Dame, which are not yet utterly depleted by that Briarean blood-sucker, Bumble. Why, we shall right soon save the money in cab-fares, and—ahem!—other comforts and conveniences for our committees, not to mention the purchasing of supplementary tenements "at the rate of two houses a year." Oh, be content, Dame; pay up, and look pleasant! (Imperatively.)

I. but B. R. (frantically). Alas! Is there, then, no hope? Will no one bring a rescue or two? "Oh, where is County (Council) Guy?"

Enter the Young Squire, hastily.

Young Squire (hurriedly arrived from heavy business and urgent elsewhere, but impelled by a sense of public duty to intervene on this occasion). Here!! (Chord.) Be consoled, Dame—I will protect thee! And for thee, Sir Steward, what the mischief art up to, with thy Aladdin Palaces, and thine Odd Millions?

Steward (confused, and displaying Plan). Why, my lord—deeming it befitting—that so illustrious and important and ubiquitously influential a Body—as—Ourselves—should have a Local Habitation—as well as a Name—I have prepared—this little Plan—which, with the aid—of "a little cheque"—say for a trifle of Two Millions——

Young Squire (snatching Plan from his grasp and gazing angrily thereon). Aha! A veritable Castle in the Air! An Arabian Nights' Phantom Palace!! The House that Jack (in Office) would have built!!! (Tears it, and treads it under foot.) Nay, Sir Steward, thou hast much misunderstood thy trust. The housing of the poor, rather than of the rich, is thy prime function. Attend first to this little list of Metropolitan Improvements, which cannot be unfamiliar to thine ears and eyes. Or if they must perforce be postponed until the attainment of "a fairer adjustment of the incidence of taxation," prythee, à fortiori, postpone also until that uncertain date this precious scheme for an expensive Municipal Palace, and this premature and impudent assault upon an already sufficiently depleted Pocket!

I. but B. R. (clasping her hands in gratitude). Ah, thanks, noble youth! Heaven reward thee for thy magnanimous championship of the poor gyurl's purse!

Steward (aside). Foiled!!! But no mattah! a time will come!!!

(Curtain.)

"M. G." and "G. M."—The first whispered proposal is, we believe, generally formulated thus, "May I then hope? May I?" But H.R.H. the Duke of York's proposal must have been even more simple than this, for hope being changed into certainty, there was only the whispered question, "May George?" and the gentle answer, "George May." Then—all ended happily.

THE POLICE PHRASE-BOOK.

As Used in France.

I have no time to answer questions.

The slightest protest will mean arrest.

You will cause me to draw my sword.

I have a loaded revolver.

We must take that barricade.

We must obtain the help of the army.

We can assist bayonets with bullets.

We