HAMMELFLEISCH, having last week given birth to a girl in contravention of his Imperial Majesty's Supplementary Decree (No. 10. Proportions of Sexes), it is our painful duty to announce that the Herr Doctor DUMMWITZ VON HAMMELFLEISCH has been dismissed from his post as K.K. Ober-Hof-Rath, and will immediately be prosecuted for the crime of lèse Majesté."

"The prisoner, HAMMELFLEISCH, was yesterday condemned to twenty years' solitary confinement in the fortress of Spandau. The wretched man acknowledged the justice of his sentence, and begged others to take warning by his fate."

LADY GAY'S SELECTIONS.

Mount Street, Grosvenor Square.

DEAR MR. PUNCH,—Most delightful weather favoured us last week at Gatwick and Sandown, and most of the horses I mentioned as worth following either finished nowhere or were not there at all, which I think is a fair average record for a Turf prophet! I heard at Sandown that sweeping reforms are to be expected in Turf matters next Season, but I will not harp too much on this string, as more able pens than mine have undertaken it—though how a "pen" can harp on a string I don't quite see—or hear, it should be.

I certainly think Brandy would have won the Gatwick Handicap, but I suppose the bottle is getting low, and is being reserved in case the Cambridgeshire is run on a cold day! And that brings me to the consideration of this great race. I do not propose to analyse the form of all the horses, but will devote my attention to a few of the likely ones—who should feel complimented thereat (I suppose a horse; can feel a compliment just as well as it can a whip)—from which might spring the winner. First and foremost, then, La Flèche has, in my opinion, enough weight to carry, even if the jockey is included, as I believe is the case—and I was told by Sir CHARLEY WHITELEY, that to win the Newmarket Oaks she had to be "bustled up"—a fashion which I thought had quite gone out!—anyhow, many people think she is "not the same mare she was"—though how they can have changed her I don't quite understand, but it would not surprise me to find Windgall the best of the Baron's on the day.

There are several horses spoken of as "rods in pickle," but as a rule, these animals stop at "rods" and never get to "poles" much less "perches!" Should Sir JAS. MILLER win the race, the town may resound with many a merry Jödel, but this is trying weather for voices, though I believe he is running untried, but certainly trying! There was some doubt as to the starting of a great favourite, owing to a report that the owner had been "forestalled"—an excuse which always sounds very weak to me, as surely if outsiders can back a horse at a long price, the owner should also be able to do so, and thus put backers "in the cart"—where some of them would present a picture which might lead people to think the "cart" was on its way to Tyburn! There appears to be considerable doubt as to whether Buccaneer has eaten anything lately or not, so I must discard him; but I think if he were given a sherry and bitters at once he might recover his appetite and win, as he is known to be a "glutton" for work! JEWITT's best will take some beating, when we know which it is, which we shall do shortly, as no stable is more ready than this to let everyone into the secret of their "good things;", so if some Whisperer, should tell you that his Suspender is broken, it is on the cards that the Pensioner may still be able to walk home in safety! But enough of this (as your readers will doubtless say!)—and let us come to the point as the knife said to the pencil—so I will conclude by recommending a "maximum" on my choice, and as it is a foreign one, I must necessarily break out into foreign poetry—(just as easy to—),

LADY GAY.

Cambridgeshire Selection.

TO ASTRÆA.

(Who would have me show her my hand.)

WAS, IS, AND WILL BE.

(Three Periods of Biography.)

PAST (Historical).—General SIMEON SNOOKES was one of the greatest Commanders that ever figured in an European war. His defence of Herren-Bayoz, in 1796, will be long remembered by those of his grateful countrymen who feared that the Corsican upstart would get the upper hand in the semi-fraternal struggle in the Portugo-Hispanian Peninsula. A service nearly as important was performed when SNOOKES (then a Colonel), led the forlorn hope that gave PEGGE WELL BEY (the Turkish conqueror) into the grasping hands of the British Government. Yet still another victory was scored when Captain SNOOKES forced the gates of Ram and Mar, and brought the proud Earls of the Five Free Ports to their knees and their senses. That he should have received the freedom of the City of London was as it should have been, and it must have been gratifying to his sorrowing friends and relatives that Royalty itself should have been represented at his obsequies. His fame as a victorious General will never fade, and although his private life may have been uninteresting, his connection with the noble family of DE SCROGGYNS will for ever