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قراءة كتاب A Preliminary Study of the Emotion of Love between the Sexes
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A Preliminary Study of the Emotion of Love between the Sexes
next following, the physical sensations of sexual excitement are generally wholly wanting, or if present are entirely unlocated. Love between children of the opposite sex bears much the same relation to that between adults as the flower does to the fruit, and has about as little of physical sexuality in it as an apple-blossom has of the apple that develops from it.
The love demonstrations of children in the first stage of the emotion's development are generally spontaneous, profuse, and unrestrained. There is an absence of shyness, of any sense of shame, of the feeling of self-consciousness. The children have as yet no notion of the meaning of sex. Their naïvete in this regard has not been destroyed by the social suggestion that such actions are wrong and vulgar. They are natively happy and free in their ignorance. The individual differences among children are as great in their experiencing and manifesting this emotion as they are in any other phase of life, so not infrequently we find children under eight years of age who are shy, repressive and self-conscious in regard to their love actions. The same children are shy and repressive in other things. It is more of a general disposition than a specific attitude toward this one emotion.
The giving of gifts and the sharing of choice possessions is very common. The emotion in its earliest form introduces the element of self-sacrifice for the loved one that is inseparable from the emotion in all of its normal stages of development. It likewise introduces the intense selfishness that comes from the desire to monopolize the allegiance of the one loved. An only child, who as a rule is very selfish and will not share any of his possessions with others, readily gives up a liberal part to the lover. During the earlier years of this stage the gift is appreciated for its inherent value; it is good to eat, or pretty to look at, or has some other real value. This inherent value continues to be an element of appreciation in lovers's gifts throughout life. It is given by the lover as an expression of his love, and so received and prized by the sweetheart. Everything else being equal, the greater the real value the more satisfactory is the love expression to both. In the 6th and 7th years there appears unmistakable evidence of acquired value in the presents. They become of value because the lover gave them and, on account of their associations, are preserved as keepsakes. As early as the 6th and 7th years presents are taken from their places of safe keeping or where they are on exhibition as ornaments, and kissed and fondled as expressions of love for the absent giver. This is interesting as evidence of love-fetichism appearing in early childhood.
The emotion otherwise affects the moods and disposition of children. Refractory children, whose parents manage them with difficulty, become docile and amiable under the influence of the sweetheart or lover. Boys who, at other times, are cowards will fight with vigor and courage when their love is concerned. Children that have a sociable disposition sometimes become exclusive and abandon all other playmates for the chosen one, and cannot be induced to play with any one else. Ideas of marriage are often present, but they are vague and are present through social suggestion. The general attitude is represented by the testimony of one woman who stated that she had no definite idea of marriage at the time of her earliest childish love affair, but that she had a vague feeling that she and her little lover would always be together, and this feeling was a source of pleasure. Certainly children under eight have little foresight; they are chiefly absorbed in the present whose engrossing emotions give no premonition that they will ever change.
Beauty begins to be a factor in the choice of a sweetheart among the children in this first stage. The most beautiful, charming, and attractive little girls are the ones who are favored. This element becomes much more conspicuous in the later stages. Jealousy is present from the first. It is more pronounced in the cases of love between children and adults of the opposite sex on account of the child's being less able to monopolize the attention of the adult and on account of the precocity of the child concerned in such cases. A fuller discussion of jealousy belongs in another section of this study.
Typical Cases.
Case 1. Boy 3, girl 5. Love is mutual. When in a large company of children they will always separate themselves from the others and play together. Never tire of telling each other of their love. Delight in kissing and embracing, and do not care who sees them.
Case 2. B. 5, g. 4. Began at ages given and still continues, two years having gone. Are often seen hand-in-hand; are very jealous of each other. Boy more backward than girl. Will not play with other children when they can be together.
Case 3. B. 3, g. 3½. Have been deeply in love since their third week in kindergarten. Rose not so jealous as Russel. She always watches for his coming, and runs to meet him the moment he enters the room. They sit together at the table and in the circle, and cry if separated. They are very free and unrestrained in showing their love by kissing, hugging, and by many little attentions.
Case 4. B. 3, g. 3. My little nephew of three and a little neighbor girl of the same age had a most affectionate love for each other, and were not at all shy about it. They would kiss each other when they met, and seemed to think it all right. The little boy used to tell me that they would marry when grown. This continued about two and a half years; then the girl's parents moved away, much to the grief of both children. The little boy would often climb up and take the girl's photograph from the mantle and kiss it.
Case 5. B. 3, g. 3. My nephew of three manifested an ardent passion for a small girl of about the same age. He followed her about with dog-like persistence. Being an only child he was very selfish, never sharing anything with other children. But Bessie became the recipient of all his playthings. His hoard of treasures was laid at her feet. Nothing was good enough for her, nor could he be dressed fine enough when she was around. On one occasion, a large boy picked Bessie up to fondle her, whereupon her jealous lover seized a hatchet and attacked his rival. He imperiously demanded a dollar from me one day in order that he might buy Bessie and have her ‘all for his own.’ He is now six, and loves her as much as ever.
Case 6. I know of two young people who have been lovers since babyhood. As they grew up their love for each other assumed different aspects. During the first seven years of their lives their love was open and frank, showing no restriction of the regard they felt. Caresses and embraces were indulged in as freely and unrestrictedly as might have been between two little girls. But when school life began and they became exposed to the twits and teasings of their playmates there developed a shy timidity and reserve when in the presence of others. Though they have been separated for long periods at different times their love has continued.
Case 7. Both about five years old when they first showed signs of love that I observed. May have begun earlier. Lasted four years. Broken up by girl's parents moving away. Love was mutual without any signs of jealousy that I could see. Exchanged gifts, such as candy, nuts, flowers, etc. Their actions at first very free either when alone or in the presence of others. Later they became somewhat shy in the presence of others, but free when alone. Upon the girl's moving away the boy showed very deep feeling of sorrow. Do not know about the girl.
Case 8. My little