jell, and then,—let her kake

Tew skin a Eel, turn him inside out, and remove the meat with a Jack plane

Tew make a hen lay 2 eggs a day, reazon with her; if that dont dew, threaten to chastize her if she dont.

Tew learn yure offspring to steal, make them beg hard for all that yu giv them.

Q.–Whi are robbers like rain?
A.–Bekauze they fall on the just and the unjust.

JULY MONOGRAPH.

July iz the sixth month, which ackounts for its being so near the middle ov the year. It derives its name from "Julos" a hot old phellow, who settled near the equator, at an early day, and kept every boddy in hiz naberhood, in a profound swett. July haz menny features ov interest, the principle one ov which, iz, the payment ov semi-annual interest, by most ov the banks, on the fust day ov the month, upon their principal. This iz a fine old custom, and i hope it will be kept up, for i own a leetle bank stock, and take sum interest in the principle.

A NEW TOOL.

"Rogers grate western hoss rake."

John Rogers revolving, expanding, uncerimonius, self-adjusting, self-contrakting, self-sharpening, self-greasing, and self-righteous Hoss Rake, iz now, and forever, offered tew a generous publik. Theze rakes are az eazy tew keep in repair az a hitching post, and will rake up a paper ov pins, sowed broad kast, in a ten aker lot ov wheat stubble. Theze rakes kan be used in the winter for a hen roost, or be sawed up into stove wood for the kitchen fire. No farmer, ov good moral karakter, should be without this rake, not even if he haz to steal one.

Q.–Whare do the vain go tew when they die?
A.–The barbers shop.

AUGUST MONOGRAPH.

This month, for sum reazon, haz got a hot way ov doing things. Awl natur unties her corsets and loafs bi the side ov brooks, with stockingless feet, tew ketch the cool words ov singing waters, and watch the bubles ov sweet, that rize on the noze ov the green frog, az they set down on themselfs, on the moss upholstered stones.

Butter spreads itself freely during this month. Snakes slip eazy, and Cupid crawls behind the shadder ov a dieing roze, and shutes hiz gun at the galls, and boys.

THINGS WORTH KNOWING.

Tew milk a kicking cow, stand oph about 10 foot, and holler "So I darn you."

Tew make light bread, do az the bakers do,—call 9 ounces a pound.

Tew make oxtale soup, bile an ox in a pot, and let the caudel continuation hang over the edge ov the pot and