during this month, bi repenting ov yure sins, and gitting up a good big wood pile.

PECK'S CHURN, AND BRISTOW'S SOWING MASHEEN.

Theze churns are the pride ov invenshun, the genius ov improvement, a viktory over time, and a conquest ov labor. They will fetch butter from cream in 2 seckonds, from milk in 2 minnitts, and from water, inside ov a very short time. Better be without a spellin book, or even a pack of kards, in a growing family, than not tew hav one ov Peck's Churns. Peck iz a philanthropist, every housewife in the world, should put on a clean white apron, hold up both hands on high, and shout, Bully!! oh! Bully! for Peck.

Buy Bristow's double-thread, cross-stitch, rivet-seam, dovetail-hemmer, lighting-movement, krank-moshun sowing masheen. Theze masheens took all the premiums at the late lamented Paris imposishun, and one ov them, which waz sent tew a farmer in Tiogy county last fall, on trial, sowed up the whole family in a hard not, in less than three days, besides sowing fourteen acres of winter rye.

Q.–Will you pleaze to state what lies are?
A.–Lies are the grease on the snaiks belly.

NOVEMBER MONOGRAPH.

Everyboddy wants tow be sassy at November—to turn her the cold shoulder—tew nuss all their old akes anew—tew look az sour az a pot-bellyed pickle—tew hunt for a kat's tale tew step at,—but i aint! November iz when i harvest mi happiness, when i gather into mi pious korn krip, the moral sowing ov the whole year. I am only sorry for one thing during the month ov November, and that iz, that i am sich a poor, weak, unsartin, sinnerly cuss, and that mi nabers aint much better than i am.

SUM MORE HINTS TEW BOARDIN-HOUSE KEEPERS.

1st. If your boarders take sugar, and milk, in their kaughphy, dont put in mutch sugar, bekauze yu kno they hav milk, and dont put in but little milk, bekauze they hav sugar.

2d. Bukwheat kakes made out ov wheat bran kost less, and soak up molasses more carefully.

3d. In negotiating for sassige, do yure bizzness with the bolony men, then you kno what yu are gitting yu kant alwus tell what country sassige kontains.

4th. Be kind tew cockroaches, for they often make a plate of butter last a whole week, and when you pray, alwus pray for the light eaters.

Q.–What iz the eazyest vittles tew digest?
A.–A good joke.

DECEMBER MONOGRAPH.

This iz the last month in the Josh Billings Farmers Alminax. Other dutys, ov a maskuline natur hav forced us tew haul in our gang plank. We would like tew hav hung on a month or two longer, and made a big thing ov it.