who
you wouldn't take to be forty. He's the father of one of my servants.
He's in unusually good shape.

Flem
Well?

Peacock I've taken out this policy on him and he's agreed to make me a beneficiary in return for free medical care.

Flem
That's a clever idea.

Peacock
A fellow like that, in my hands, will become immortal.

Flem
Sooner than later.

Peacock
Suppose that he only lives, say one hundred years.

Flem
All right, one hundred years.

Peacock Isn't it certain, that in fifteen or twenty years, he'll be the only person in his group?

Flem
In all likelihood.

Peacock Five years later, he'll be the only one. Therefore, I'll receive all the money for twenty years.

Flem
The reasoning is clear. You've put your money to good use.

Peacock
I'm delighted you approve my project. And you are a beneficiary, too.
Because, I mean to marry you to my daughter.

Flem
Sir, that's an honor that—

Peacock No compliments. And, for the dowry, I'm going to give you half the immense revenue from this insurance policy which you cannot fail to collect. And no, I'm going to show you our gold mine. You'll have to agree he's an excellent specimen.

(Exit Peacock into his house.)

Flem What a man Doctor Peacock is! Some people think he's a little crazy; but what's just happened would go a long way to disabuse them.

(Peacock returns from the house leading Dudley, a sturdy old peasant.)

Peacock
Have a look at this young fellah! Ever see a better built body?

Flem
Never.

Peacock
What do you say to those eyes?

Flem
Really bright.

Peacock
How do you find his skin tone?

Flem
Beautiful.

Peacock (to Dudley)
Open your mouth. (to Flem) Look at those teeth. Perfect condition.

Flem
He hasn't even got a cavity.

Peacock (to Dudley)
Let's hear your voice.

Dudley
Hem! Hem! Hem!

Peacock
Like thunder! Constitution of an ox.

Flem
Amazing.

Peacock
And his legs—stout and firm.

Flem
He's got all the signs of long life.

Peacock
Look at that chest.

Flem
Broad and strong. You've made quite a bargain, Doctor.

Peacock
We're going to get rich, Mr. Flem.

Flem
This peasant is a kind of Peruvian gold mine.

Peacock. Answer my questions, Dudley. When you went to bed last night, did it take you a long time to get to sleep?

Dudley
Soon as my head hits the pillow—poof—I was asleep.

Flem
Sleeps easily.

Dudley
And I wake up at dawn.

Peacock
And wakes with a ravenous appetite that I have difficulty to control.

Dudley (laughing)
Oh, as to that, Doctor, you keep me well regulated.

Peacock How he roars! This roaring is no good for him. It comes from too many vessels in contact with the diaphragm. To remedy this defect we ought to give him a purge.

Dudley (crying)
Another purge! Woe is me.

Peacock Preceded by a tonic composed of softening laxatives to prevent dry stools. Go quickly, Mr. Flem, and prepare some suppositories and bring them back here.

Flem
Back in a flash.

(Exit Flem.)

Peacock As soon as you possibly can. This business is serious and requires diligence.

Dudley Can't you leave me without tormenting me, Doctor? For the last three days, ever since I put myself in your hands, you've already purged me twice. I want to have lunch and enjoy it.

Peacock Blood isn't necessary to preserve life. I know what I'm doing. I am more interested in keeping you alive than you yourself. Listen, my friend, as soon as I have bled you, I'll cook up a delicious lunch.

Dudley
Ah, that would be nice.

Peacock
I want to give you something appetizing. What do you like to eat?

Dudley
Mutton chops.

Peacock Bah! What bad spirit put such a detestable thought in your head? It's too fatty and it clogs your bowels.

Dudley
I seem to have heard that apothecaries like jelloes.

Peacock True. But, between you and me, they only sell them. They actually prefer stuffed dates.

Dudley
Really—well, how about a nice roast beef?

Peacock
Nothing is more indigestible.

Dudley
Give me pork, then.

Peacock
Too likely to have trichinosis. Dirty.

Dudley Too dirty, too sweet, too hard, too fatty. What the devil do you want me to eat?

Peacock
An ounce of fresh cheese?

Dudley
Fresh cheese?

Peacock
With two or three glasses of laxatives.

Dudley
I am dead and buried

(Enter Trippet.)

Trippet
Sir, there's a man down there who insists on speaking to you.

Peacock (going out)
Let's see what he wants of us.

(Exit Peacock.)

Dudley
Ah!

Trippet
You sigh! What caused you to sigh like that, my poor Dudley?

Dudley
They're going to bleed me again and give me an enema.

Trippet
What's wrong with you?

Dudley They say I have extended diaphragm muscles, and I don't know how many other maladies. Yet, I don't feel a bit sick.

Trippet
That's terrible, my friend, that's terrible. Not to know what's wrong.

Dudley Since I've been in this house, I've lost more blood than I did in twenty years as a soldier.

Trippet
I believe it.

Dudley Doctor Peacock intends to make me the last survivor of my group—but if this keeps up, I won't last another month.

Trippet
That's a chance you take.

Dudley Let's speak openly. Even if I survive the bleeding, I won't survive the diet. I'll starve.

Trippet
He practices austerity in his own eating habits.

Dudley Aie! How can I resist him. He thinks I'm weak and prescribes for my maladies. He watches my food. He forbids me wine. Damn his medicine and science. It would be better not to interfere with nature.

Trippet To forbid wine to a man of your type is the same as forbidding women to a man of a different sort.

Dudley
Trippet, my dear Trippet, are you capable of pity?

Trippet
Without a doubt. What can I do for you?

Dudley You run the house. If you would give me a bottle of wine, I will owe you my life.

Trippet Heaven preserve me from doing such a thing. If the