work.

Harriet
Why not?

Trippet I tell you, it won't work. Mr. Flem and Dr. Peacock are too hand-in- glove. For twenty years they've been killing people—some of the nicest people in this city—and they never quarrel over it. And you think they're going to quarrel over a mere magistrate. Why, they've done in lords and ladies.

Jeremy
I've got another idea. This one is matchless. Is it true that Doctor
Peacock has an insurance policy on some peasant?

Trippet
Nothing is more true.

Jeremy So much the better. This gives me the plan, which I believe, must infallibly succeed. I would like to speak to this peasant.

Trippet (pointing)
There's the door to his room. You can go in. He's alone.

Jeremy
Leave it to me. That's all I need to know.

(Exit Jeremy.)

Harriet
What do you suppose he's up to?

Worthy
I don't know, but Jeremy is a world-class trickster.

Trippet
I've got an idea of my own. See if we don't slow this marriage down.

Harriet (hugging Trippet)
You bring me back to life.

Worthy (hugging Trippet)
Me, too.

Trippet
I see it.

Harriet You don't know how much I'll owe you if you save me from this odious husband.

Trippet
Time will tell if you mean that.

Worthy
Me, too!

Trippet Poor children. It would be a terrible shame to separate you. You only want to be together.

Worthy
Here comes Jeremy.

Jeremy (returning, and still speaking to Dudley) Yes, you have only to do as I told you and you will be delivered from the Doctor's tyranny. Until we meet again. Adieu.

Trippet
What? You've already talked to Dudley?

Jeremy I only had two words to say to him. I've warned him. If he plays his role and all goes well, Miss Harriet will today change her name to Worthy. And, as for you, Trippet, I permit you to think of possessing me.

Trippet
How do you intend to work these miracles?

Jeremy I'm going to disguise myself as a Colonel. Worthy will be my Major. And, as Dr. Peacock doesn't know us because we've always been careful never to come here except when he's visiting patients—ah, what a trick I will play on him. I intend to consult him on a pretended illness. (low to Trippet) Well, Trippet, you're good at this sort of thing. What do you say to it?

Trippet
I approve of it. That's all I have to say about it.

Worthy
But, tell us everything.

Jeremy I will instruct you as we go. Let's leave now. Time is precious. I'm going to prepare everything. (to Harriet) No goodbyes, beautiful lady. (to Trippet) See you soon, you little flirt. You, Major, follow me.

(Exit Jeremy and Worthy.)

Harriet
Do you think it will work?

Trippet
Indubitably.

Harriet
Don't let me languish any more. Listen to me.

Trippet Hush! Our lovers were right to leave. Here comes Mr. Flem. Follow my lead and pretend to be delighted to marry him.

Harriet
What a bore!

Trippet
Don't complain. He can easily be fooled.

(Enter Flem.)

Trippet Ah, ah! Mr. Flem, we've heard news of you. You want to marry my mistress?

Flem It's the Doctor who's taken it into his head that I shall marry. As for myself, I never thought of Miss Harriet because of the difference in our ages.

Trippet What difference! You're joking, Mr. Flem. Do you know, you look as young as a man of twenty-five.

Flem
Well, as to that matter, I'm still juicy. Got a lot of sap left in me.

Trippet
You're cute. You have regular features, good color, noble bearing,
graceful manners, and as for your figure, let Miss Harriet speak. (to
Harriet) What to you say?

Harriet
Well put together.

Trippet
His hypodermic syringe is just ravishing.

Harriet
It suits him better than a sword.

Trippet And the most gallant cummerbund doesn't look better than his work apron.

Harriet
Behold a tasty, well-turned-out dish of a man.

Flem It's delightful to me to hear such words from your mouth, dear lady. They distill an amorous syrup in my soul. Yes, my dear, I already sense the birth in my heart of a feeling for you that I had for my late wife. Haven't I told you, doll, how we lived together, my wife and I?

Harriet
Never, I assure you.

Flem
Ours will be just such a perfect union.

Trippet Tell us about if, if you please, sir. I'm just crazy to hear about happy marriages. They're so unheard of.

Flem
Madame Flem had a lively affection for me.

Trippet
Undoubtedly you deserved it.

Flem On my side, I had a particular care for her health. I didn't wait till she was sick to give her a remedy. Every day, by way of precaution, I made her take some medicine.

Trippet
Charming little man.

Flem When she was the least bit sick, I redoubled my efforts. Alas, the poor woman didn't live long.

Trippet
I believe him.

Flem She had a very delicate constitution. But, if she died, if was not for want of medication. Not for want of remedies.

Trippet
Rather the remedies were wanting.

Flem To give her a breath of life, I didn't spare a single drug in my apothecary.

Trippet
Oh, miss—what a husband.

Harriet
He's worthy of all the feeling I have for him.

Flem
You flatter me, my angel.

Harriet
No, sir. I swear, I'm not flattering you at all.

Flem For you, sweetheart, I promise to take the same care and the same attention, I lavished on my first wife.

Harriet (low to Trippet)
What an engaging prospect.

Flem
Every morning and night I will give you some little delight.

Trippet
That's bound to please her.

Flem Goodbye, beautiful star. I have to leave you to find Dudley. How impatient I am to have you joined to me. When I even think of it, I am happy.

Trippet
You love the pleasures of imagination.

Flem
Yes, but I like physical ones better.

(Exit Flem into Dudley's room.)

Trippet
Old fool.

Harriet
What a man, Trippet. I hate him more than I love Mr. Worthy.

Trippet
You hate him so much already?

Harriet
Rather than marry him, I am capable of going to the last extremities.

Trippet Stay of that mind. It may be helpful if we can't manage things in an honest way.

Harriet
Shut up, you fool, my father is coming.

Trippet
Let us continue to dissemble.

Peacock (entering)
Well!