class="smcap">White Rabbit

[Picks up fan and gloves and patters off.]

She’ll chop off your head!

Alice

If you please sir—where am I?—won’t you please—tell me how to get out—I want to get out—

White Rabbit

[Looking at his watch.]

Oh! my ears and whiskers, how late it’s getting.

[A trap door gives way and Rabbit disappears. Alice dashes after only in time to have the trap door bang in her face.]

Alice

[Amazed.]

It’s a rabbit-hole—I’m small enough to fit it too! If I shrink any more it might end in my going out altogether like a candle. I wonder what I would be like then! What does the flame of a candle look like after the candle is blown out? I’ve never seen such a thing!

Humpty Dumpty

[Sits on the wall.]

Don’t stand chattering to yourself like that, but tell me your name and your business.

Alice

My name is Alice, but—

Humpty Dumpty

It’s a stupid name enough, what does it mean?

Alice

Must a name mean something?

Humpty Dumpty

Of course it must; my name means the shape I am—and a good, handsome shape it is, too. With a name like yours, you might be any shape, almost.

Alice

You’re Humpty Dumpty! Just like an egg.

Humpty Dumpty

It’s very provoking, to be called an egg—very.

Alice

I said you looked like an egg, Sir, and some eggs are very pretty, you know.

Humpty Dumpty

Some people have no more sense than a baby.

Alice

Why do you sit here all alone?

Humpty Dumpty

Why, because there’s nobody with me. Did you think I didn’t know the answer to that? Ask another.

Alice

Don’t you think you’d be safer down on the ground? That wall’s so very narrow.

Humpty Dumpty

What tremendously easy riddles you ask! Of course I don’t think so. Take a good look at me! I’m one that has spoken to a king, I am; to show you I’m not proud, you may shake hands with me!

[He leans forward to offer Alice his hand but she is too small to reach it.]

However, this conversation is going on a little too fast; let’s go back to the last remark but one.

Alice

I’m afraid I can’t remember it.

Humpty Dumpty

In that case we start fresh, and it’s my turn to choose a subject.

Alice

You talk about it just as if it were a game.

Humpty Dumpty

So here’s a question for you. How old did you say you were?

Alice

Seven years and six months.

Humpty Dumpty

Wrong! You never said a word about it. Now if you’d asked my advice, I’d have said, “Leave off at seven—but—”

Alice

I never ask advice about growing.

Humpty Dumpty

Too proud?

Alice

What a beautiful belt you’ve got on. At least, a beautiful cravat, I should have said—no, a belt, I mean—I beg your pardon. If only I knew which was neck and which was waist.

Humpty Dumpty

It is a—most—provoking—thing, when a person doesn’t know a cravat from a belt.

Alice

I know it’s very ignorant of me.

Humpty Dumpty

It’s a cravat, child, and a beautiful one, as you say. There’s glory for you.

Alice

I don’t know what you mean by “glory.”

Humpty Dumpty

When I use a word, it means just what I choose it to mean—neither more nor less.

Alice

The question is, whether you can make words mean different things.

Humpty Dumpty

The question is, which is to be master—that’s all. Impenetrability! That’s what I say!

Alice

Would you tell me, please, what that means?

Humpty Dumpty

I meant by “impenetrability” that we’ve had enough of that subject, and it would be just as well if you’d mention what you mean to do next, as I suppose you don’t mean to stop here all the rest of your life.

Alice

That’s a great deal to make one word mean.

Humpty Dumpty

When I make a word do a lot of work like that I always pay it extra.

Alice

Oh!

Humpty Dumpty

Ah, you should see ’em come round me of a Saturday night, for to get their wages, you know. That’s all—Good-bye.

Alice

Good-bye till we meet again.

Humpty Dumpty

I shouldn’t know you again, if we did meet, you’re so exactly like other people.

Alice

The face is what one goes by, generally.

Humpty Dumpty

That’s just what I complain of. Your face is the same as everybody has—the two eyes—so—nose in the middle, mouth under. It’s always the same. Now if you had the two eyes on the same side of the nose, for instance—or the mouth at the top—that would be some help.

Alice

It wouldn’t look nice.

Humpty Dumpty

Wait till you’ve tried! Good-bye.

[He disappears as he came.]

Alice

Oh! I forgot to ask him how to—

[She tries to open the doors. They are all locked; she begins to weep. She walks weeping to a high glass table and sits down on its lower ledge. She sits on a big golden key and picks it up in surprise. She tries it on all the doors but it does not fit. She weeps and weeps—and Wonderland grows dark to