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قراءة كتاب How to Solve Conundrums Containing All the Leading Conundrums of the Day, Amusing Riddles, Curious Catches, and Witty Sayings
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How to Solve Conundrums Containing All the Leading Conundrums of the Day, Amusing Riddles, Curious Catches, and Witty Sayings
pur-puss.
Talking about colts (pistols, revolvers, etc.), how is it that guns can kick when they have no legs? Why, they kick with their breeches, of course.
What plant is fatal to mice? Cat-nip!
Who were your grandfather’s first cousin’s sister’s son’s brother’s forefathers? Why, his aunt’s sisters, of course (ancestors).
What fashionable game do frogs play at—besides leap-frog? Croaky!
When are kisses sweetest? When sirup-titiously obtained.
Who was the first whistler, and what tune did he whistle? The wind—“Over the hills and far away!”
Why is a youth encouraging a mustache like a cow’s tail? Because he grows down.
What contains more feet in winter than in summer? A skating-rink.
When may you be said to literally “drink in” music? When you have a piano for tea.
If you were invited to an assembly, what single word would call the musicians to their posts, and at the same time tell you the hour to begin dancing? At ten dance (attendance).
What word is there of eight letters which has five of them the same? Oroonoko.
What is the difference between homicide and pig-sticking? One is assault with intent to kill, the other a kill with intent to salt.
Why do rusty iron spikes on a wall remind you of ice? Because they are so often called a “shiver de freeze.”
Why is a room full of married folks like a room empty? Because there is not a single person in it.
What is that which makes everything visible, but is itself unseen? Light.
My second’s at the end on’t;
My third, like many an honest man,
Is on a fool dependent.
Why does the lightning turn milk sour? Because it doesn’t know how to conduct itself.
Why was Eve made? For Adam’s Express Company.
What are the most disagreeable articles for a man to keep on hand? Hand-cuffs.
Which one of the Seven Wonders of the World are locomotive engines like? The coal-horses of roads (Colossus of Rhodes).
Why is a judge’s nose like the middle of the earth? Because it’s the center of gravity.
Do you know what the oldest piece of furniture in the world is? The multiplication-table!
An old maid’s laugh—he! he! he!
Why is a pretty girl’s pleased-merry-bright-laughing eye no better than an eye destroyed? Because it’s an-eye-elated.
What is the first thing you do when you get into bed? You make an impression.
What’s the difference between a professional piano-forte player and one that hears him? One plays for his pay, the other pays for his play.
What makes a pet dog wag his tail when he sees his master? Because he’s got one to wag.
What stone should have been placed at the gate of Eden after the expulsion? Adam ain’t in! (adamantine.)
Is ten times ten, told ten times o’er;
Though half of me is one alone,
And half exceeds all count and score.
At what time was Adam married? Upon his wedding Eve.
Why are cats like unskillful surgeons? Because they mew-till-late and destroy patients.
What is the proper length for ladies’ crinoline? A little above two feet.
What makes more noise than a pig in a sty? Two pigs!
Why is a hog in a parlor like a house on fire? Because they both want puttin’ out.
Why is our meerschaum like a water-color artist? Because it draws and colors beautifully!
What three figures, multiplied by 4, will make precisely 5? 1 1-4, or 1.25.
Why is a dirty man like flannel? Because he shrinks from washing!
Why is a magnificent house like a book of anecdotes? It has generally some good stories in it.
Do you know the soldier’s definition of a kiss? A report at head-quarters!
Why is flirting like plate-powder? Because it brightens the spoons!
The downward path—The one with a banana-skin on it.
Hair’em-scare’em—Bangs.
Always happy to meat friends—Butchers.
A sweet thing in bric-a-brac—An Egyptian molasses-jug.
A sky-light—the sun.
Companions in arms—Twins.
A thing that no family should be without—A marriage certificate.
A faux pas—Her father.
A Jersey waste—Newark flats.
Called bonds—Marriage ties.
Invisible blew—The wind.
Bachelors haul—An heiress.
The form of loveliness I trace;
But ev’ry blemish I detect,
And point out every defect.
Though long a fav’rite with the fair,
I sometimes fill them with despair.
But still I’m consulted ev’ry day
By the old and young—the sad, the gay;
All fly to me, so fam’d for truth,
Uninfluenced by age or youth;
For I neither flatter nor defame;
So now, I think, you’ll guess my name.
Why is a man for whom nothing is good enough like a hyena galloping? Because he’s a fast-hideous (fastidious) beast.
Why is riding fast up a steep ascent like a little dog’s female puppy suffering from the rheumatism? Because it is a gal-pup-ill (gall(o)p up (h)ill.
What is a dogma—not a dog ma—a dogma? An opinion laid down with a snarl.
Why is a turnpike like a dead dog’s tail? Because it stops a waggin.
Ah! but how did the sandwiches get there? Because Ham was sent there, and his followers mustard (mustered) and bre(a)d.
Why is the Hebrew persuasion the best of all persuasions? Because it is one that admits of no gammon.
What is the most ancient mention made of a banking transaction? When Pharaoh got a check on the Red Sea Bank, which was crossed by Moses.
Why are greenbacks like the Jews? Because they are the produce of Abraham.
What parts of what animals are like the spring and autumn gales? The equine hocks (equinox).
Striving to cheat each other,
And, by a cunning trick, my last
Had raised a fearful bother.
The one who lost he looked my first,
But he who won assumed my whole,
Which little did the luckless one
Amid his bitter grief console.
Since both were rogues, we will not screen them—
There was not my second to choose between them.
Who was hung for not wearing a wig? Absalom.
Which eat most grass, black sheep or white? White, because there are more of them.
What is the difference between the manner of the death of a barber and a sculptor? One curls up and dies, and the other makes faces and busts.
What is the difference