wire-pullers—Irish harpers.

A place for everything—Baby’s mouth.

A stuck-up thing—A show-bill.

Cheap country-seat—A stump.

Sheer cruelty—Clipping sheep.

Song of the mouse—“Hear me gnaw, ma.”

To get along well—dig it deep.

A growing industry—Farming.

Why is “T” like an amphibious animal? Because it is found both in earth and water.

A two-foot rule—Making “rights” and “lefts.”

Much as he loves roast beef, John Bull is continually getting into an Irish stew.

Why is the nine-year-old boy like the sick glutton? Because he’s over eight.

A dangerous character—A man who “takes life” cheerfully.

Which of the reptiles is a mathematician? The adder.

Why cannot a woman become a successful lawyer? Because she is too fond of giving her opinion without being paid for it.

An unvarnished tail—A monkey’s.

No head nor tail to it—A circle.

Why is a rosebud like a promissory note? Because it matures by falling dew.

How do lawyers often prove their love to their neighbors? By attachment.

Two things that go off in a hurry—An arrow dismissed by a beau, and a beau dismissed by a belle.

A dangerous collision—Running into debt.

An ex-plainer—A retired carpenter.

A great singer—The tea-kettle.

Blood relations—War stories.

How can a rare piece of acting be well done?

A felt hat—One that gives you the headache.

The egotist always has an I for the main chance.

When are thieves like leopards? When they are “spotted.”

To be let—Some young swells’ faces—they are generally vacant.

A winning hand—The shapely one which is incased in a No. 6 perfect-fitting kid glove.

A willing man—A testator.

Celestial timber—Sunbeams.

Hope is the hanker of the soul.

The oldest revolver—The earth.

Hereditary traits—Family portraits.

Good size for man or woman—Exercise.

A water-spout—A temperance oration.

Sweetness and light—The burning of a sugar refinery.

Home-rule—Your wife’s opinion.

A “sheet” anchor—A clothes pin.

Always open to conviction—A thief.

The nobbiest thing in boots is a bunion.

A thing that kicks without legs—a gun.

A motto for young lovers—So-fa and no-father.

The key to the convict’s troubles is the turn-key.

Wanted—An artist to paint the very picture of health.

When is an estate like a watch? When it is wound up.

When is a house not a house? When it is a-fire.

Why is a box on the ears like a hat? Because it is felt.

Why is a melancholy young lady the pleasantest companion? Because she is always a-musing.

Why is a palm-tree like chronology? Because it furnishes dates.

What plaything may be deemed above every other. A top.

Why is an infant like a diamond? Because it is a dear little thing.

Why is anything that is unsuitable like a dumb person. Because it won’t answer.

Why is the letter l in the word military like the nose? Because it stands between two i’s.

What is that which the dead and the living do at the same time? They go round with the world.

The motto of the giraffe—Neck or nothing.

A paying business—The cashier’s.

Always under the lash—The eye.

Romantic youth, rheumatic age.

A striking affair—A prize-fight.

Where did the gas-man meter.

All barbers can’t razor beard.

Ex-spurts—Retired firemen.

Missing men—Bad marksmen.

The popular diet for gymnasts—Turn-overs.

A plain-dealing man—One who sells them.

Perpetual motion—Scandal.

Always in haste—The letter h.

Preventives of consumption—High prices.

Handy book-markers—Dirty fingers.

A two-foot rule—Don’t stumble.

When can a lamp be said to be in a bad temper? When it is put out.

Railways are aristocratic. They teach every man to know his own station and to stop there.

Why is a spendthrift’s purse like a thunder-cloud? Because it is continually lightning.

Why is a boy almost always more noisy than a girl? Because he is more son-orous.

An aggravating girl—Miss Deal.

A water-course—A series of temperance lectures.

Attachment notice—The announcement of a marriage engagement.

A shocking disaster—An earthquake.

What is more chilling to an ardent lover than the beautiful’s no?

A serious movement on foot—The coming corn or bunion.

Where do ghosts come from?—From gnome man’s land.

High-toned men—The tenor singers.

To make a Venetian blind—Put out his eyes.

The retired list—A hotel register at mid-night.

Which is the debtor’s favorite tree?—The willow (will owe).

It isn’t the girl that is loaded with powder who goes off the easiest.

What does an aeronaut do after inflating his balloon? He highs himself away on his trip.

Something of a wag—The tip of a dog’s tail.

A wedding invitation—Asking a girl to marry you.

Good name for a bull-dog—Agrippa.

Flying rumors are necessarily groundless.

Why ought Lent to pass very rapidly? Because there are so many fast days in it.

It is no sign because a man makes a stir in the community that he is a spoon.

What is that which must play before it can work? A fire-engine.

A man ever ready to scrape an acquaintance—The barber.

Hush money—The money paid the baby’s nurse.

When may you suppose an umbrella to be one mass of grease? When it’s dripping.

Bootblacks are friendly little fellows. They “take a shine” to anybody.

A dress for the concert-room—Organ-di muslin with fluted flounces.

Difficult punctuation—Putting a stop to a gossip’s tongue.

A hard case—The oyster’s.

What are the dimensions of a little elbow room?

What is taken from you before you get it? Your portrait.

What can a man have in his pocket when it is empty? A big hole.

An old off-ender—The ship’s rudder.

Men who “stick” at their work—printers.

Men who do light work—lamplighters.

Men who work with a will—lawyers.

If you would make a good deal of money at card-playing, you should make a good deal.

Joy is the feeling that you are better off than your neighbor.

A matchless story—one in which there are no weddings.

The only tree known to have teeth. Dentistry.

Dropping the “h” is an ex-aspirating habit.

If you would not be pitted, get vaccinated.

Has great heeling properties. The mule.

Barren mountains are not worth ascent.

An ancient warrior poet—Shakespeare.

A thing to adore (a door)—The knob.

Why is a widower like a house in a state of dilapidation? Because he ought to be re-paired.

Why are fowls gluttonous creatures? Because they take a peck at every mouthful.

A big mis-take—Marrying a fat girl.

The most valuable prize—Enterprise.

Cannibalism—Feeding a baby with its pap.

Back-yards—The trains of ladies’ dresses.

Coquettes are the quacks of love.

Something to lie about—A bed.

A dangerous man—One who takes life cheerfully.

A slow match—A couple that marries after twenty years’ courtship.

Why is a widow like a gardener? Because she tries to get rid of her weeds.

Who was it that first introduced salt provisions? Noah, for he took Ham into the ark.

Short-sighted