policy—Wearing spectacles.

A lightning-rod is attractive, in its way.

“This cheese is about right,” said John; and Jane replied that it was, if mite makes right.

What is an artist to do when he is out of canvas? He should draw on his imagination.

A professor of petrifaction has appeared in Paris. He has an ’art of stone.

“Ah!” said she to her diamonds, “you dear little things!”

After all, a doctor’s diploma is but an M. D. honor.

The desire to go somewhere in hot weather is only equaled by the desire to get back again.

Lay up something for a rainy day, if it is nothing more than the rheumatism.

The man who waxes strong every day—The shoemaker.

To change dark hair to sandy—Go into the surf after a storm.

A melancholy reflection—The top of a bald head in a looking-glass.

In what age was gum-arabic introduced? In the mucilage.

Always cut off in its prime—An interest coupon.

The farmer’s favorite vest—The harvest.

A hallo mockery—The echo.

Rifle clubs—Gangs of pickpockets.

The Turkish position—Cross-legged.

High time—That kept by a town clock.

A home-spun dress—The skin.

Appropriate name for a cold beauty—Al-ice.

Toned paper—Sheet of music.

Food for fighters—Pitch-in pie.

Something always on hand—Your thumb.

When a man attains the age of ninety years, he may be termed XC-dingly old.

When iron has been exposed to fogs, it is apt to be mist-rusted.

A “head gardener”—A maker of artificial flowers for ladies’ hair.

A weather prophet says: “Perspiration never rains. It simply pores.”

The spots on the sun do not begin to create such a disturbance as do the freckles on the daughter.

Why is fashionable society like a warming-pan? Because it is highly polished, but very hollow.

A capital thing—Cash.

Stakeholders—Butchers.

A great composer—Sleep.

A senses taker—Whisky.

All play—Musician’s work.

How to “serve” a dinner—Eat it.

A “light” employment—Candle making.

Another new reading—Man proposes, woman accepts.

“Necessity knows no law.” Well, necessity is like a great many lawyers.

The civil service—Opening the door for anybody.

Touching incident—A physician feeling a patient’s pulse.

Maxim for the lazy—No man can plow a field by turning it over in his mind.

Nature saw the bicycle in the dim future when she created a bow-legged man.

A black tie—A colored wife.

An unpalatable dish—Cold shoulder.

First ’bus in America—Columbus.

A kid-napping case—A cradle.

Disagreeable and impertinent—Ruin staring one in the face.

This language of ours! A widow only resolves on a second marriage when she re-link-wishes it.

Why is a woman who has four sons, all sailors, like a year?—Because she has four sea-sons.

He sighed for the wings of a dove, but had no idea that the legs were much better eating.

What kind of a loan is surest to “raise the wind?”—A cyclone.

The great composer—Chloroform.

Foot notes—Shoemakers’ bills.

A narrow escape—The chimney flue.

Best climate for a toper—The temperate zone.

An attached couple—A pair of oyster-shells.

What is the best thing out yet for real comfort?—An aching tooth.

Two souls with but a single thought—Two boys climbing over an orchard fence, with a bull-dog in pursuit.

Kindred evils—Poor relations.

A matter of course—A horse race.

Only a question of time—Asking the hour.

“Stirring” times—Morning hours.

Free of charge—An empty gun.

Passage of arms—Sleeves.

A good name for a bill-collector—Dunham.

A drop of the crater—Lava.

Does it take more miles to make a land league than it does a water league?

All the year round—The earth.

A trained animal—The “iron horse.”

Stands to reason—A debator who won’t sit down.

The best remedy for a man who is spell-bound—A dictionary.

The rations on which a poet’s brain is fed—Inspirations.

A good thing to be fast—a button.

Hardware—The friction on a schoolboy’s knees.

What was the most honest bet ever made? The alpha-bet.

A bad habit—A seedy coat.

Sweet home—A bee-hive.

Pressed for time—Mummies.

Land agitation—An earthquake.

Held for further hearing—The ear-trumpet.

What is the difference between a fixed star and a meteor? One is a son, the other is a darter.

When trains are telescoped, the poor passengers see stars.

How to keep yourself dry? Eat freely of red herrings and salt beef, and don’t drink.

Why is it dangerous to take a walk in the woods in spring? Because then the trees are shooting.

Why is a man on horseback like difficulties overcome? Because he is Sir-mounted (surmounted).

Why is a vocalist singing incorrectly like a forger of bad notes? Because he is uttering false notes.

Why is your night-cap when on your head like a giblet pie? Because it contains a goose’s head.

Why are two laughing girls like the wings of a chicken? Because they have a merry thought between them.

When are a very short and a very tall judge both the same height? When they are judges of assize (a size).

Why is a thoughtful man like a mirror? Because he reflects.

Why is a pig with a twisted tail like the ghost in Hamlet? Because it can a tail (tale) unfold.

Why is a Turk like a violin belonging to an inn? Because he is an infidel (inn fiddle).

Why am I the most peculiar person in the company? Because I am the querist (queerest).

Why is a blundering writer like an arbiter in a dispute? Because he writes (rights) wrong.

Why is hot bread like a caterpillar? Because it is the grub that makes the butterfly.

A good side-show—A pretty cheek.

If a pair of spectacles could speak, what ancient historian would they name?—Eusebius (you see by us).

Why is a very angry man like the clock at fifty-nine minutes past twelve?—Because he is just ready to strike one.

Why is a shoe-maker like a true lover?—Because he is faithful to the last.

Why are there three objections to taking a glass of brandy?—Because there are three scruples to a dram.

In what respect were the governments of Algiers and Malta as different as light from darkness?—The one was governed by deys (days), the other by knights (nights).

When is a fowl’s neck like a bell?—When it is wrung (rung).

When is a man thinner than a lath?—When he is a-shaving.

When is a soldier like a baby?—When he is in arms.

Why is a small musk-melon like a horse?—Because it makes a mango (man go).

Why is a man with wooden legs like one who makes an even bargain?—Because he has nothing to boot.

Why do bishops become wags when promoted to the highest office in the church? Because they become arch-bishops.

Why is a fop like a haunch of venison? Because he is a bit of a buck.

Why is a harmonium like the Bank of England? Because it issues notes.

Why is a well-trained horse like a benevolent man? Because he stops at the sound of wo (woe).

Why is a miser like a man with a short memory? Because he is always for getting (forgetting).

Why is a fretful man like a hard-baked loaf? Because he is crusty.

Where did the executioner of Charles I. dine, and what did he take? He took a chop at the King’s Head.

Why is Kossuth like an