chop an' some fried puttates."

"Well, aw'll ha' th' same; one thing's as gooid as another to me, for aw'st ait nooan on it. Do they sell ale here? but if they do aw expect it willn't be fit to sup."

Aw called for two bottles, an' whether it wor fit to sup or net his didn't last long. Th' mutton chops an' fried puttates wor browt, an for a matter o' five minits nawther on us spake.

"Well, doesn't ta think theas is varry nice?"

"Aw can tell nowt abaat it for ther's nowt but booan o' this o' mine, but if they've forgetten to put th' mait on it, they'll nooan forget to put th' price on it awl warrant."

Aw wor satisfied wi' mine, but aw ordered two moor for him, an' he polished'em.

"Nah, has ta enjoyed'em?" aw sed as he sopped th' gravy up wi' a chunk o' cake.

"Aw've had war; but, bless mi life! yo can get as gooid chops as theas at hooam if yo'll pay th' price for'em, an' aw dooan't expect they'll agree wi' mi nah aw've getten'em."

Aw worn't gooin' to argy that point wi' him, soa aw settled th' bill an' we lit a cigar a-piece an' walked quietly to th' station.

It wanted abaat fifteen minits to th' train time soa aw went to see after tickets, an' aw must say when th' chap sed four paand fifteen shillin' a-piece it knocked th' steam aght on me. Aw felt sewer ther must be some mistak an' aw went to th' station maister, but he sed it wor all reight, ther wor nowt nobbut furst class that neet. Aw tell'd Billy, an' ax'd what we should do.—"Do just as tha likes," he says, "tha has it all i' thi own hands; awl ha' nowt to do wi' it; tha can awther goa or stop just as it suits thisen. Aw know nowt abaat sich things, it's nobbut thee'at has all th' knowledge;—but aw know what aw wish."

As weel be hung for a sheep as a lamb, aw thowt, soa aw gate two tickets an' we wor sooin in a furst class carriage speedin' on to Dover. Billy slept om-most all th' time an' when we landed it wor dark an' drizzlin' "Aw expect this is th' sooart o' weather we shall have all th' time," he sed, "aw allus consider this th' warst month i' th' year for onybody to set off in, an' nubdy i' ther reight wit ivver wod."

Ther wor noa time to tawk for we'd to get on th' booat as sooin as we could. This wor th' furst thing'at seemed to set Billy's bile reight agate o' workin'. "If aw'd a known'at we couldn't ha' gooan bi land aw'd ha' seen thee blowed befoor tha'd ha' getten me here! But it's just on a par wi' all tha does!—but if ivver aw live to get hooam awl remember thee for this! If mi mother knew shoo'd goa off'n her heead!"

Aw tuk hold ov his arm an' led him daan th' steps an' when he saw a table full o' bottled ale he seemed a little moor reconciled. We wor sooin off, but as sooin as th' booat began to roll Billy sed he'd goa up stairs, so we went on deck. When aw saw th' stewards an' stewardesses all grinnin' an' gettin' aght piles o' tin bowls an' buckets aw'd a guess what it meant. A nastier neet it could hardly ha' been, for it wor rainin' an' blowin' an' th' watter wor rougher nor aw'd ivver saw th' Atlantic Ocean. Aw thowt aw wor a pratty gooid sailor misen, but aw wor fain to let mi cigar goa aght. Billy had folded his arms raand a wire rooap an' ther wor noa mistak he intended to stick. Aw crept up to him in a bit, "Tha'rt varry quiet," aw sed, "what are ta thinkin' abaat?"

"Aw wor just thinkin' abaat that three quarters o' malt," he sed, "an' he lained his heead ovver th' side soa as he could study undisturbed. Just abaat that time it struck me'at aw'd heeard tell what a beautiful seet it wor to watch th' waves all glittering wi phosphorus, soa aw lained ovver to luk for it. Aw didn't see onny but that wom't my fault for aw nivver lifted mi heead up except once or twice to see if Billy wor thear an' aw saw he wor still studyin' abaat th' malt."

After abaat two haars o' scientific investigation o' that sooart, land, whether foreign or native, wor varry acceptable. We had to pass ovver a little bridge when we landed an' one chap took tickets an' another stood to ax what yo wor. "Are you English?" he axed Billy.

"What's ta think, muleface!" he sed, an' as he let him pass aw suppooas he wor satisfied'at he wor. We'd hauf an haar to wait for th' train to Payris, an' Billy made straight for th' refreshment raam. "Ha does ta feel?" aw sed.

"Aw all nowt, an' nivver should ha' done but for them mutton chops, an' aw tell'd thi mi stummack wodn't stand sich muck. Aw wish aw wor back hooam."

"Awm pratty weel sick on it misen," aw says, "an' if tha's a mind we'll goa straight back hooam."

"Nay, by-gow! aw've had enuff o' that booat-ridin' for to neet!"

After a dry biscuit an' a drop o' lemonade we gate into a comfortable carriage, worn aght an' weary, we booath fell asleep. When we wakkened th' sun wor shinin' an' we could see men an' wimmen at wark getherin' in th' harvest, ivverything lukt cheerful an' bonny. Th' whistle saanded an' th' train slackened speed an' we crept slowly into Payris at hauf-past six o' one o' th' grandest mornins aw ivver remember. When we gate aght o'th' station we lukt raan', wonderin' which way to goa to seek lodgins.

"Nah, Billy," aw says, "this is Payris at last."

He lukt at th' graand, then at th' buildins all raand, then up at th' sky, an' finished off wi' starin' at me.

"Well?" aw says.

"Why, it's nowt!"

CHAPTER III. JENDI.

Original

S we saw at ivverybody else'at had come bi th' same train wor runnin fit to braik ther necks for fear they should'nt be able to find lodgins, an' as awd heeard at th' city wor full we made a bit ov a rush. Billy walked as briskly as if he'd been four stooan leeter, an' for owt aw know he wor. "Aw pitie'd some o' th' fowk at wor on that booat," aw sed.

"Well, aw dooant pity them mich, for they need'nt ha been on unless they liked, but aw did pity th' fish, for they'll be a sickly lot this mornin aw should fancy," an' he fairly chuckled at th' nooation.

"Nah then, what sooart ov a spot mun we steer for? Had we better try some quiet respectable shop or mun we goa in for a place right up to Dick an' run th' risk o' what it costs?"

"Its noa use axin me; do whativver tha's a mind it'll be reight to me."

Just as we turned a corner aw saw a sign up 'Cafe' du nord,' an' on th' winder wor painted i' big yollo letters, English spoken, this is th' shop for us, aw says, if thers raam, soa aw went in an' Billy follered an' a young woman at seemed as if shoo'd been dipped i' bacca-watter an' dried in a hurry, coom to meet us—"Gooid mornin, Mistress," aw sed.

"Commyvoo portyvoo," shoo sed.

"Aw dooant parleyvoo, awm throo Yorksher; cannot yo spaik plain English?"

"Jenny compronpa."

"Aw can mak' nowt o' this lot, Billy, if that's th' sooart o' English they tawk here awst nivver be able to understand it."

"Come on an' lets leeav her, shoo's nooan reight in her heead! aw dooant believe shoo knows what shoo's sayin.

"Shoo'll happen understand better if awm moor perlite—Have, you,—a—bedroom?"

"Betroooom! Ha! wee! Chamberacostrah? wee, wee!"

"Nay awm nooan one o' that sooart aw want one to misen."

"Jenny compronpa."

"Jenny's noa need to come for if shoo's noa hansomer nor thee aw wod'nt touch her wi' th' tangs!"

We wor just gooin aght when up comes a tallo faced chap at lukt as if th' smell ov a cookshop wod'nt hurt him, so aw thowt awd have another try—French this time,—"Parleyvoo English mouse ear." "Hi," he sed, "what is it tha wants?"

"E'e! gow! lad! but awm fain to see thi. Are ta th' maister?"

"Hi, aw wish aw wornt; yo